infinity

He asked a question, which I thought too far off (even if he were to explain, I might still think that way). He asked how many diseases are there in total?

And I thought of the many diseases we may have not encountered (because it was in the past/we have yet to discover) and I told the whole class, it's infinite. 

And he came to look at my paper for evidence, and there it was, the unmistakable horizontal figure of 8. 

In some ways, I feel that I'm right.

Maybe if the question was, how many diseases have been discovered and listed in the ICD, maybe, I would go for a more finite amount. Anyway ICD is just a classification of diseases, aite? meaning, there would be more than one disease under one class, no? 

So, because of some smart ess, now the homework for everyone is to find out what infinity means. I'm sorry classmates :P 

One of the definition of infinity goes by "the limit of the value of a function or variable when it tends to become numerically larger than any preassigned finite number". Hmmm. 

I hope we won't waste time discussing my thoughts in the next lesson though. I was probably wrong for taking things too seriously. Ahahaha.

-----

Today is one of those days when you feel like you don't fit in.
God help. :(

j fforde

Whoaaaaaaaa~ Guess who went to the bookstore and ended up performing the ritual of getting yet another storybook. *put hands up guiltily*

Nyaaaanyaaanyaaaa~ I wasn't eligible for the 10% discount cause I forgot my ISIC but it was on sale! :D Half it's original price. Plus I got a coffee coupon which would cost me about 2/3 of the book's price. And the literature prodigy friend recommended me the book (the author, rather). And I haven't a book to keep me company when stressed with med books and whatnots.

Uuu~ an attempt at justifying the deed I see. Lalalas~

-----

And can I get Turtle Recall or the Hunger Games series for my coming-to-this-world-anniversary? Hahaha. I'm betting they are way cheaper at the Big Bad Wolf thingy in Malaysia though. (I bought the last Artemis Fowl book for 8 times the sale price. Grrr~) So this year, unless it is on sale, you needn't have a copy oh Nora~ And ISIC discounts are not counted as sale!

You have too many books already. Seriously.

-----

One can never have too many books though :P
Books have never been enough.
Miahahaha XD

miles away

Now I believe them when they say, loneliness is a dangerous thing.

I've got lotsa books to keep me company though.

And yeay to new recommendations!

-----

For future reference, try to not get sick when you have Paeds rounds. It'll limit the patient interviews/examinations you could do.

I was hoping someone would help do the talking today.

Life doesn't work that way though, got paired with a non Czech speaking partner so I had to do the talking behind double face masks (the coughing is that bad), BUT the history taking went okay, thank God.

I don't have much Czech vocabulary for mitochondrial diseases, but I got a compliant mother. :) She was happy to describe things in simple Czech.

-----

And I wanna leave very little room to hurt.

snip snip

I think one almost-sure-win act that would help flip emotion is a haircut/change of hairstyle.

I'm so diggin' this hairstyle.

I feel awesome!

Here comes troubleeeee~

*ok. over. haha.*

The cutest most happening snowman in Prague. Ever. Haha. Butt butt butt buttons for eyes~

-----

Finally I met the doctor we were brainwashed to be afraid of. (Psycho betul department ni :P) And I find his character interesting. First impression: he looks like the Dr from Back to The Future. Haha! Seriously, his hair and stance. Then in class, he was very insisting. Classes like this forces you to think about how much you don't know, even after those 5 years. Adoyai~ It's also classes like this that force you to spend more time with medical books. (Atlas of Paediatrics Physical Diagnosis rocks by the way ;) because it haz lotsa lotsa photos!) Medical facts are interesting, but too much words with little attraction to keep focus, just doesn't work when you have to not only read but memorise. Gah~

Anyway, so far, there're two strict profs in this department. However, experience taught me that, it's from this garang people, whom scoldings come easily to them, that I'll learn a lot more. Makanya, marilah bersabar. Macam Moses a.s with Nabi Hidir kot. The barakah comes from being patient with your teacher.

Owh, and a proof that your ilm' has barakah, is when, you produce them from a simple recall. :) That's when you can claim the ilm' is yours. Hee~

I feel bad for the neonatal lectures though. :( Can't control the sleepiness man. I got coffee specifically for it but.. but...
So my neonates lecture notes ended up having this disconnected flow of information and really random scribbles which came from my failed attempt to stay awake.

That's that, I gotta continue the studying, then maybe, maybe, I could come up with the 157 possible differential diagnosis if asked again! Haha!

-----

And the new dance song is very addictive. :)

gemuk

Abah says I look fat.
And I can accept that cause it's him.

Kalau orang yang tak dikenali cakap, memang kena tampar laju-laju, iA.
Hahaha.

Dan antara sebab-sebab sukar nak kurangkan buccal fat?

I baked chocolate chip plus white chocolate chunks cookies today :D And got a jar container full! It's so much cheaper than getting them delicious M&S (boycott2~) and Subway cookies! It would taste nicer if I could get Hershey's Chipits but any chocolate chip would do I guess.

I used this recipe. And these cookies are best eaten fresh from the oven! Because it has the chewy Millie cookies consistency. Owh yeah~

That couldn't be the only reason of my pockets of joy (read: cheek fat). I baked banana cake as well on Friday. And the only form of exercise I have this winter includes walking home from class and snow fights. (Had that twice this week!)

Inilah akibatnya kalau terlalu fokus untuk baling bebola salji dekat lawan tanpa menghiraukan bebola salji yang sedang melayang laju ke arah muka. So refreshing! HAHAHA. And we made an adorable snowman the other day! Photos are yet to be received though :P 

Thanks Thamarai, Syamira and Yushah for the fun afternoon. :) Walaupun everyone's toes and fingers felt like coming off that day. :P 

-----

:)

Proses mencari dan mengekalkan ketenangan.

Part of my duty, is to have faith that, I'll finally be, where I am meant to be.

He's got a plan, miracles break free all the time.

-----

Reminder: stock up on instant karipap/sardine rolls. Owh yeah~

asystole

I decided to put an end to it.

I think I'm better off without it. 

Ok now feelings, dissipate! 

Yes, it is that easy. 

-----

Ingat kau ahli sihir ke apa?

Tak, aku bukan ahli sihir.

Aku minta tolong pada Tuhan.

Sendiri, aku tak mampu. 

Aku tak pernah mampu sendiri. 

-----

I'm only human, I'm not God.

It's natural that some things are too much to handle.

:)

I need to let go of some things.

Then I'll have room for better things.

And when that time comes,
Make me content with it O Allah.

This year, there's so much snow. Alhamdulillah for that. 

-----

Qilah now babysits Farish and Farisha. Adorable little things they are. :) 

Anyway, today I wanna thank Mama and Abah. I carried Farisha today, across town, and though it was a short trip, my arms got really exhausted. So exhausted I couldn't even bring myself to write things down. (Hooray for handheld devices!) 

I thank you both, for not giving up on me and Hana (anak sendiri kan :P) though times must be hard, what with having to study, and work part time for us. I baru carry anak orang pun dah lenguh, Mama and Abah, korang memang wonderpeople lah! And Mama always said she would feel sad every time they leave us at the nursery cause I would be crying dengan muka drama queen sedih sangat-sangat (pastu dah besar suka sangat bersendiri, buat eksperimen tak tentu pasal. Cis, kacang lupakan kulit! :P). 

Thanks for bathing us. For showering us with lotsa love. For teaching us how to pray. Honestly Mama, I remember wearing T-Shirt and pants, then reciting the prayer out loud, in your room. Thanks for teaching me how to have the perfect ponytail. :) And in primary school, for cutting the black ribbon every day, for I always lose the ribbon. For allowing me to play fortress and sofa-horse-riding as long as I clean up before Abah gets home. And for the lovely dresses. Kekeke. I think I miss you buying us those really beautiful maxi dresses, Abah. Somehow you and Hana have the knack for good things. I hate having to buy clothes on my own actually. :( Thanks for taking us out buying our first heels and recommending the stilettos which I couldn't wear anyway cause I can't feel the ground with it. And bearing with us and bringing us to all the shoe departments so that we can find "the one". Thanks for triggering our interest in sports, and not the ones they have in school :P Miniature golf is sure something to remember forever. For taking us to the driving range, which, up till now, I still have not seen the point doing. :P The weekly badminton sessions at the stadium. I've always loved that. And now, cycling. 

And then, there are the other things which I couldn't quite remember but I think I must write at least those above for today. 

Missing you more than ever, 

Nora 

changing the variables

They like what science bring, but they don't like the questions.
- Mr Menace

"Did you love it the first time?"
"Yes."
"Did you love it the second time?"
"No. I just wanted to get it over with."
"Then you've changed the variables. Science is not good or bad, but it can be used both ways. And that is why, you must always be careful."



-----

When you're reminded of your childhood dreams, suddenly, everything seems like a joke.

You're not quite there, but you're on your way there, none the less.

The joke is, you start it all with a big heart, but every step you take, rips part of your courage away.

Suddenly, everything else is more important, and the flames die out a little.

Funny how it all seemed highly attainable 18 years ago.

Still working my way there though, because, that dream of discovery, is one I'd like to see come true.

:) Thank God for the sudden inspiration.

Always experimental,
Me

ATP

So we had a little talk.
And I decided that when I think of my high school buddies, I'm quite normal actually.

It's a trivial matter but I'm glad we came to that.
:)

Alhamdulillah.

-----

And I probably will stop throwing snowballs randomly to not so random people.
Not everyone finds joy in snow fights it seems.

Though today, I can't help but be amazed how the technique Mama taught me to make a really good snowball came into effect. Which made me laugh so hard cause the splat that came from the explosion of the snowball was simply artistic. Puhahaha. Lepas tu rasa bersalah.

Haih. And everyone grew up but me.

-----

You know, sometimes, people find little joys in life because sometimes, that's the only way they know how, to find joy.

?

Hooray for putting things off again, Nora.

I just hate myself today.

Sad how I can't relate it with PMS, cause that would at least make it bearable.

-----

:'(

I don't understand this at all.

-----

Unrelated to the sadness, is an excerpt of my daily final year life:

It may have started a while back, but a lot of people have expressed their curiosity as to what type of person I would get married to. And I can't help but notice they do this "wondering" in front of me with a scrunched up forehead. You know, when people are really-concerned-kind-of-forehead-wrinkling? I wonder what they think of when they say that.

It's good in a sense that, I can go, Aha, perhaps I should start thinking about that. However, it's bad cause I'm getting this feeling that I'm really weird, not plain weird, it is more like, weirder than I ever thought I was.

Cause, coupled with their wrinkled forehead was also the statement, "tak tau lelaki macam mana boleh kawal dia ni". I know you have the best interest for me at heart, but being the person I am, I put that in my list-if-things-to-worry-about-later.

And I'm writing this to tell myself that I needn't worry, cause there is, of course, nothing wrong with being a lil' different.

That because of that, maybe that's why my course in this life would be adventurous and fulfilling for me, even if it is not the case in the eyes and wrinkling foreheads of others.

It's okay, let me be me.

Kalau pun the "right-guy-who-can-walk-with-me-in-search-of-eternal-success" probably will be hard to find, let me be me.

Aiyo~ all this overthinking is exhausting my resource of natural energy to go into Sage mode. Rugi betul.

And, one last thing, why no Naruto. 2 weeks already liao~ Current anime pun no updates.

-----

Sebab an old soul needs an antique set of wings. (Thanks Thamarai for convincing me to have a day out. It was a lovely start for the year ^^)
Dan tak kira apa pun, silalah lalui hari-hari dengan "a skip in your step, a smile on your face".

awesomeee

We started Paediatrics rotation last week. The journey so far is interesting, however, it would be nice if we could spend more time interviewing and examining the patients. Can't blame the system just yet, it was, after all, the introductory week.

I have to say I'm glad I did the full 3 weeks of O&G in HKL for summer, and that I got really good HOs whom didn't shoo me away and taught me all they know and think I should know. The first week is on neonates, so I'm really glad to have hanged out in the labour room most of my stay :P

Cause I learnt to assess neonates, which wasn't part of the syllabus back then, and I got to learn how to cope with the stress of doing the same thing every time; LOVE YOUR JOB. (Like how as a student, you have to learn to love your studies)

Fact is, we humans are very easily bored, and a routine day-to-day won't help much with establishing love for a job. So, it is, our very own task to make our days interesting. The art of working, if I may call it.

Macam berzikir ke? Like, you can't do the same thing all the time, you'll get bored (at least I do) which eventually leads to declining efforts and eventually, not doing it at all. Kyaaa~

-----

If I could turn back time, I'd do practicals all my summer breaks. I think I told my juniors just that but no one seems to want to take the challenge so far. :( Well, I'll write it down anyway since I can do whatever I want in my blog.

The trick, for you to learn lots during the practice, is to tag a busy HO, cause no matter how busy they are, they somehow could find the time for you. If they don't, they'll give you homework (usually a diagnosis, which if you're in the first year, he'll probably bombard you with lotsa anatomy questions) which you would have to present to them, and of course, they'll come up with pointers we can't find in textbooks or the internet. And these HOs, being the busy, responsible, cekap HOs they are, are trusted by the MOs, who would, in turn, have a little trust in you, to help out in the ward. :)

And if the MO/Specialist in charge of you would require weekly reports from you, then, do go and find them when you have to. When I did my surgery rounds, I got err scolded really bad in the first week, but it was, of course, because of I had this pre-assumed idea that history taking (famously known as clerking) is a lil' different in Malaysia than here. Then, the doctor in charge told me that, I gotta trust what I've learned in school, cause all over the world, it's the same textbook. :P

So the following week, we did patient history like we did in school. Well, it is the same actually, in fact, because we are students, we could make a complete history, cause we don't have to rush to draw blood or convince the imaging lab to make a CT on some patient etc etc. At the end of the second week, I got approval and was given the chance to go to the OT the following week. :) Thank God~

2 years later, because of that scolding, I got a "That was good. I like your style of clerking" from a certain specialist from my Internal Med practice. Score~ See, experience itu penting! So go for extra clerkships if you can!

Then there was the whole lecture from Dr B, on the importance of knowing the socio economics in our home country. From the many races, the orang asli, the immigrants, they all have different stories (not necessary medical) that make up who they are. Knowing this may help you start to treat your patients as individuals, rather than their diseases. It may seem chaotic in some way, and probably that's what will drain the energy out of you when you work, but to care for their social needs would mean a lot to many people.

And one major thing that I learnt was, you gotta work as a team. I know I'm not a HO yet and all, but there's a marked difference in the efficiency of a ward when the wards members have a unique group goals  or not.

And as a student, I guess, this is when you practice to not stand in a corner, get out of your comfort zone, approach people, be prepared to be neglected by some, be prepared to be scolded by some, but most of all, be prepared to be amazed by the abundance of people you can put your trust with, and the knowledge that comes with doing that little extra. ;)

Owh, a lil' thing I found out is that, there's a circulating guideline in every department. Which would help with orientation when you're at the hospital. It contains things like diagnostic approach, management plan and treatment, a text to get you oriented with the system. :) Find them the first week of your practicals, then you'll have loads more fun. Hihi.

Woot2~ That's enough of nenek-ing for the weekend. XD

-----

Pockets of joy.
Is a referral to extra cheek fat that develops due to over-joy (perhaps?) Kekeke. And here's a lil secret how to deal with it. *Was going through the olde blog that has this photo. The final year is, of course, a year of reminiscing*

-----

Now lets get back to loving the study of Paediatrics. Owh yeah~
To be happy about last week: opthalmologist.shock.awesome. Thank God~

I need more hands on,
Nora

stall

Kadang kala aku mahu mencoret lukisan di dinding
Untuk tipu diri, yang aku tidak waras
Heh
Orang gila tak mengaku dia gila

Kalau tak berperisaikan tengkorak
Lama sudah otak ini berlari
Dari tumpatnya kekeliruan

Atau keliru cuma alasan?

Atas penyataan itu
Kurangka pelbagai cara
Tapi semua perlu masa

Masa mengajar hati
Ajaran membentuk diri
Oleh itu akan kutunggu

Oleh itu ku menunggu

-----

The question "why" is a dangerous thing but it allows you to challenge things.

And finding the right answers after questioning rewards in surprising ways.

-----

I just heard a very nice song.

to do

Sometimes all you wanna do is cry your heart out, but it's too late now, a migraine can be guaranteed and I don't like being sleepy in class. Cause I'd feel so bad for the professor. And it won't do me good not participating, cause I'd learn less than I hope I would.

It's not healthy to shun away emotions though. To ignore and store such emotions in the subconscious means to have a space for it to grow, and unattended, the growth could suppress other good things. Like being genuinely happy, and smiling. :( And I'm so scared of being grumpy towards others cause I hate it when people do that. Aarghhhh *if T-Rexes could tear down trees with their hands, that's what I imagine doing right now*

If I could tell what's wrong, I'd say it out, but I can't seem to formulate the right words.

Though it pains me right now, I have to put you off till Friday. I've put this off for quite sometime actually. :( Telling myself to chill lah, this lah, that lah.
However, please please please promise to not forget to look into this matter.
Yes, come Friday, I'll do just that.

So much for self development. Help~

zon selesa

I read Mindy Gledhill's blogpost today.
And I thought it was inspiring.
I know we discussed this last Saturday but, it didn't quite get me then.

Here's a link to the post.

:)

Quoting from the attached video from attached link, "If you want something you don't already have, you have to do something you haven't already done".

And that sparks a lot on the list of things I can and cannot do. I have so many potential gone to waste! NOOOOOO~~~
That made me plan a better life plan :P (Planning sucks. I hate planning but the lack of it only spells my downfall. Ugh. However, approaching planning as a measure of getting out of my comfort zone makes it more interesting. Haha!)

If there's one thing I could suggest to you today, then I suggest you go out of your comfort zone. :) Be a Jack of All Trades. Refine yourself. Claim what will one day be yours!

Oh yeah~
And the basis for all this, at least in my cause, to serve God, by serving people. ^^
Yosh, berusaha!!!

pasghetti

Yes, it was intentionally written as such. I don't recall when I start calling spaghetti, pasghetti, but it seems befitting. Haha!

I cooked pasghetti sauce today and added a lil' too much paprika. And it tasted more like gulas. And the onion dissolved into the sauce cause I simmered it for quite a while, so now it's extra hot. T_T I don't like hot food that much though. Should have trusted Abah's recipe and not put the paprika in. Menyesal menyesal menyesal!

Tapi kan, I just realised I have lotsa potato dumplings mixture. *insert Gru's "lightbulb"* kekeke. Lets consume the pasghetti and serve the now-gulas-tomato-sauce with potato dumplings~ Czech habis you alls~ Kekeke :P

Speaking of Czech food, I so gotta try and make Halusky. It looks ugly but it smells so so good. And good smelling food is usually accompanied with good faith. Kyaaa~ XD
Potatoes FTW!!!
*sebab ini negara ubi kentang*

-----

I went to get some meat today. And I have to say, I'm very thankful when the butcher dice/cut whatever I bought. Especially whole chicken. That'll make me smile the whole day. Thank God for people who can cut chicken nicely (it used to be Kirin's field of expertise in this house).

-----

And I'm sharing this video because Buddy is so cuteeeeee!!!

retracing

I hope you live a life you're proud of.
If you find you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. 

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

-----

Part 1

It was like any other day. The sun was definitely peeking through the blinds she had decided would make a cave out of her room. The blinds didn't have a choice, it was, in all modesty, just an inanimate object, which couldn't do much if not handled with.

Confusion has infested her mind for years, and to be born in such family, it's hard not to be. The society was to be blamed. Or was it her grandparents? Parents?* Aah, but confusion has always been in her nature, so it was, like any other day.

*The list goes on, as being human, we are prone to find faults in something other than ourselves.

-----

An attempt at writing but I'm guessing it'll have to go to One Note. Cause I deleted a lot more ideas than I had hoped I would. Hehe.

pillowtalk

We finally talked about it.

I don't know where the road would go from now, but I'm glad we finally did have that conversation.

Thank God.

Because opening up is the first step to be strong.

And when you're strong enough, He'll let you be vulnerable.
(don't ask how I came to this, because I guess, the way Islam speaks to me may be different. So long as I go by the Quran and Sunnah, aite? :) )

To a sister, I love dearly, Farhana.
The best elder sister ever. (Okay, that's a bit vague seeing as how you're the only older sister I have :P Haha!) I hope Allah would ease what is best for you. And that you be happy. And that you attained more than you've ever dreamed you would, in this life, and the hereafter. Uri eonni saranghae! ^^

 When we were younger, Hana has her baju kurung with proper sarong, and mine was with pants because since childhood, she has always been ladylike and grace never has been my forte. This time, maybe the parents thought I would behave better in sarong. Though I can't help but notice I have a kite in my hands.

 See, Hana so sopan and I'm always with the epic face. Hohoho.

Sopan sikit.

We were at Niagara Falls (a place I recommend everyone to visit!). 
When I think of it, if anyone has a somewhat "ganas" daughter, they should buy their daughters skirts and dresses at young age. It curbed the want to make silly poses a lil'. Haha!

Hana said I looked like Sivaji boss (?) and I think I'll watch Sivaji tonight cause I need to know why. Haha. 

-----

Everyone lives life at their own pace. There are things we can't afford to make priority but that doesn't make us wrong. :)

Okay Hana, jom terus berusaha dan berdoa! Fight oh~

-----

I so need a proper siblings pillowtalk. One week of holiday till I go all out with studying.

Hope the package arrives timely. :)