breakdown the wall

Bismillah.

Good gosh, I AM TWENTY FOUR. That's like 2 dozens. Haha. Alhamdulillah, still alive, and learning lots about life though I still have so much areas to improve on. No matter, that come in stages.

There's nothing to lose when you've given your all, it is when you're stagnant that you need to be afraid. :) Take proactive steps and when you're comfortable, improve on it. Change does not happen with a snap of the fingers, in fact, it may take years, but be sure to take an active part in the process! :)

I was thinking about my death day. Cause it would be more significant than my birthday. And if I were to die now, I'm afraid to think of where I'd end up, or rather, I'm afraid I know where I'll end up. :( Nauseous just thinking about it. Owh when will I ever be eligible? :( Please please help me O Allah, for I can't do anything on my own. Anything at all.

I know it's the final year and all, but I know for sure that I can't live like a hermit because of that. Haha. In fact, this is the year where I have to acknowledge the importance of spending my time wisely. It's a good thing to be able to cut down on watching dramas. :D If I could pat myself in the back for, that would be it. Alhamdulillah. That took up a lot of strength at first. And now, it isn't so hard.

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Anyway, these past couple of weeks have been quite hard, I am under a lot of stress, most from the fictitious threat I impose upon myself.

To that I'm telling myself, some things need time, so for those, you gotta be patient Nora!

Then, there's also the Paediatrics exam. I worry a lot about that. It's one of my favourite branch of study and to think that I'll be inadequate is quite sad actually. I wanted a later date, but failed to obtain one. And the preparation isn't so good but the exam dates are limited, and it won't be till summer for the next attempt. So yeah, it is something I have to go for no matter what. At least it keeps me studying. Studying harder than usual. Which brings us to the whole purpose of being a student. Kekeke.

And honestly, I shouldn't worry THAT much. :) I live within His care. The possibilities are endless. And having lived these 24 years, remember all the things Allah has brought you to and through with. Do it with the right intention, then, no matter the result, it would all be worth it! ^^

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I always wondered why I can't study like everybody else. And then, a textbook definition told me that that's the way I am. So I need to struggle a lil' more.

:P

stress

Bismillah.

Biasalah untuk stress time exam. :P
Dan semalam aku belajar (lagi sekali, sebab aku rasa macam dah dapat pengajaran ni sebelum ni, tapi sebagai manusia yang normal, aku lupa), yang, fokus kita tak patut disandarkan pada tekanan itu sendiri tetapi kepada cara kita mengendali tekanan tersebut.

*Cop, tiba-tiba aku rasa memang aku tak layak dapat BM A1. Tapi tak apa kan, asalkan apa yang aku nak sampaikan, dapat difahami ramai. Hahaha.*

Hatta, aku pun berkeputusan, kalau aku alami tekanan sedahsyat semalam lagi, aku perlu rehat dengan benda-benda yang berfaedah.

Contoh semalam:
Pagi aku (dan rakan-rakan sekelas) ditemani laungan kuat seorang guru. Guru yang tidak lekang daripada menyemburkan nasihat yang tepat dan tajam. Tapi kali ini, salah pelajar-pelajar yang datang lewat. Aku pun tak suka tunggu kalau cikgu datang lambat (tapi memandangkan kebanyakan cikgu adalah doktor yang sedang bekerja, jadi, perlulah dimaafkan, walaupun haritu, 45 minit lewat. tsk tsk.) jadi aku faham dengan teguran itu.

Dan semalam aku perlu bentangkan kes aku. Dalam keadaan berdiri. Dan soalan demi soalan diajukan. Dan aku tertinggal satu bahagian penting. :( Aku tahu itu salah aku, jadi aku tadah telinga. Aku harap aku akan ingat sampai bila-bila.

Dan satu demi satu pembentang bertarung semalam, untuk pertahankan kes masing-masing.

Aku rasa semalam, banyak kortisol dihasilkan, banyak juga glukosa menjadi mangsa, dan kami pulang, penuh ilmu, tetapi penuh kepenatan juga. Sedikit sebanyak, semalam dah dapat bayangkan masa depan di Malaysia nanti. Tapi Dr Szitanyi bagi teguran membina, aku tak tahu pula dengan doktor Malaysia. Desas-desus dan khabar berita yang didengari setakat ini, banyak negatif dari positif.

Kalau orang tanya, apa nasihat untuk peperiksaan, nah, amek kau! Hahaha. Serius, tak boleh manjakan diri. Tapi yelah, kalau kita tak struggle, susah nak achieve apa-apa pun :P Macamlah nak makan. Kalau nak makan makanan favourite kat sini, kalau tak masak, alamatnya, tak dapatlah. 

Ok, berbalik kepada isu tekanan. Semalam aku balik, makan lunch (secawan teh, 3 keping roti, sebab serius tak larat nak masak T_T) dan pergi ke perpustakaan. Sebenarnya aku nak tidur petang tetapi perpustakaan tutup pukul 7, jadi aku harus gunakan masa yang ada. Aku balik pukul 6, sebab, aku dah ngantuk sangat-sangat. Tapi, bila keluar perpustakaan, kota Prague jadi putih! Makanya, aku terpaksalah berjalan dalam snow dengan beg yang berat, dan berjalan sekitar kawasan perumahan sambil nyanyi lagu Raindrops Barney. Aku suka sangat dekat snow ni. Haha. Boleh tak kalau winter je sepanjang tahun? Duduk dekat Alaska macam best. Tapi nanti masalah kekurangan Vitamin D lah pulak. Adoi.

Akhirnya, selepas membeli biskut sedap giler dekat Subway, aku pun sampai ke rumah-manis-rumah (home sweet home) dan aku masak dinner (dumplings with beef broth) dan bertapak depan komputer. Tengok cerita Infinity Challenge, Bobsleigh episode, sebab aku senang terharu tengok orang bersukan bersungguh-sungguh.

Aku rasa tengok satu cerita tu tak jadi masalah, yang jadi masalahnya, lepas tu aku tengok video lain lah pulak.

Tak tahu korang perasan ke tak, tapi, sebenarnya, aku dah penat sejak tengah hari tadi, dan aku tak berehat-rehat pun lagi. Haha. Anyway, nak cakapnya, aku sepatutnya tutup komputer bila dah habis study dan satu episod Infinity Challenge tu, sebab tengok video dekat laptop memanglah tidak mengurangkan tekanan mata. Dah lah rabun, nanti nak baca buku, otazky, pdf lagi. Tambah penat dari rehat. :P Aku patut bersukan dalam bilik semalam. Sekurang-kurangnya, hidup aku tak lah sedentari sangat macam lecturer selalu describe dalam lectures tu.

Aku gian naik basikal. Aku gian sepak bola. Aku gian main sledge.

Dan aku rasa aku nak cari apa maksud gian tu.
Definisi DBDP: sangat ingin akan sesuatu atau ingin membuat sesuatu.

Mat gian, definisi DBDP: penagih dadah.
Hahaha.

Ohkay u olls~ Have a nice weekend! ^^

lols

Bismillah.

A post for my private entertainment, cause thinking of the absurdity of it all got me laughing.

And it has everything to do with my wanting to challenge myself to go as fast as I could downhill.

I went to play the snow sledge. On a 4km track. And enjoying the speed, I did not break and by the time I reach the 50m mark to end of track, I bumped into a Sasquatch and got buried under snow and sledges and the Sasquatch.

I reached home to realise I also have vessels damage. Haha.

I hope there's enough time after exam to go snow sledging again. :D That time, I'll be the first to go downhill, to signal Sasquatches to attack other human being.
And if I'm the first, that means, I could go as fast as I wanttt!!! Wee hooooooo!!!

what to do?

Bismillah.

When your wedded friends and their spouses recommend you potential suitors, what do you do?

I wail. Haha. *why recommend them to meeeee???* :P lebih kurang macam tulah the wailing goes. 

There's the fact that it is all very probable.

Then there's also the fact that I'm scared of relationships. 

Which makes everything a whole level more complicated. 

So after the wailing, I just laugh it off. 

One day I'll understand all these. 

Maybe not now. 

One fine day.

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Owh and I think the stress level has surpassed a certain threshold. And I hope I'm not doing things because I'm burnt out. It feels like it, cause you read, and then, you go.. "what was that again?" 

O Lord, I'm so so scared. I'm so helpless on my own T_T

It feels a little like second year all over. 

And recalling what the parents told me the last time I was in a slump, "kalau penat sangat, take a break lah. boleh kan? then sambung lah balik". 

And to that, I tell myself, no, I haven't actually given my all, so in all honesty, the tiring part was from overthinking and being too anxious. :) 

Ruginya kalau you give up without even trying! Chances are, the chances are there for you to grab hold off! :D 

So pretty please, study dengan penuh ketenangan hor.. 

If you get distracted, remember God always!!! God is good. ^^

leader

Bismillah.

A true leader, leaves a legacy that is a good or better than him.

A true leader realises that his time will come, so he trains his underling.

And when they are ready, he tells them, how they have to now prepare, to take over when it is time.

He told them, they can't be under his wings forever, for his leadership may inhibit their qualities. He told them, it's only natural that the leader changes.

They could only keep quiet, for they love him, and it breaks their hearts to accept the fact that eventually, they would have to let go.

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And they asked him, why did he do those things. Why did he quit smoking?

And he said, that in life, you can't have everything. You must give up something, in other to achieve something else.

And he told them to promise him, to remember that time is precious. You can never get it back. So, as to not regret, live to the fullest, for that is the only way.

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:)

keadilan

Bismillah.

So in his lecture the previous week, Prof Zman asked us a question, on deciding to let our patient go naturally through the course of his disease or to assist so that he could live longer.

And he told us to write a "+" if we want to give our patient an assist device. A "-" if we would let him receive only palliative treatment.

And boy, did he made us write.

And when he's satisfied, then he asked the second question. Now, imagine if the child is yours (we're doing Paediatrics, so the patients are all children), what would you decide on, write again, a "+" or a "-".

And again, he went around checking the answer.

The problem with this question is, there is no right or wrong answer, but if you have two different answers, that could be a sign to sort out your judgements. Your values.

T_T betul ke next week dah final week Paeds? Boleh tak nak belajar medic dengan Prof Zman je? Tak boleh kan? Aiyark~

privacy

Bismillah

Oooh, and I think I'm going private with the blog soon. So, if there's anyone interested in reading more updates of the soon to be secret life of Neneknora, please drop me your emails! :)
(I may be contacted via mail - refer Profile page- under the contact me part, FB, Skype)

Encik Holmes, detektif. (From Madame Tussauds London) Nak letak gambar berdiri sebelah Encik Holmes, tapi, costume tidak menepati era English ini. Ok, sebenarnya tak letak sebab gemuk. Haha.

Cause among the reason this blog was made is for me to know myself better and for those who care (family, friends) to get updates, hence the personal posts and removing the blog link from other social network. :P

So before any complications come from my making the blog a private playground, readers, you have been warned. HAHAHA XD