Most of all, what I prayed for, in that desperate time of realisation is, so that I recognise the feelings, and that I come to acknowledge it, and that I could cry if I need to, that I'm able to seek the right help if needed, and most of all, to come to terms and peace with it. 

Please don't make me do bad things because of it.

Please let me always give the benefit of doubt. 

Please help me cleanse myself of all the hurtful things I have done.

Please help me be a better person than I was before. 

undry

Bismillah

My lacrimal duct has not dried up, I learnt that today.

It was the 14th episode of Hotel Del Luna, in which I find that when you have so much feelings in your heart, but no way to pour it out, it can be dangerously suffocating.

It's not that I'm desperate to be someone's someone. I have come to terms that it'll make no difference in the end when you'll die alone anyway.

It's just that, I'm scared of shutting away the loneliness I feel, making it so unrecognisable, to the point of it being a disease that latches on me, and taps away at things I find joy in, and later lead me to do things I'd regret. Things that turns me ugly. Things that blackens my heart.

Maybe asking "how are you".
Is better done in front of the mirror.

"I'm not well".