When I was introduced to Surgical Medicine in my school years, I have to admit, I was one of those few whom can't keep my eyes and at times, mouth, shut, drowning perhaps, in my act of admiring the field in its entirety.
Surgeons have a way with words, which makes you ooh and aah-ed, as they present you their skills of exploring the human anatomy, in search of a pathology.
And as their muscles are trained to remember things, and they are celebrated as the hands of God, the time will come, when they murder, on the table.
-----
Surgery is fun and all. That short passage serves a reminder to me, cause of what happened some time ago. I was a little too overconfident to insert a Foley's. Which resulted in a disaster (he did not die, no, but he was hurt none the less) and a lot of apologies, and two days of being remorseful - I ate at a restaurant crying - that was the extent of the damage, emotionally. I hated how my specialist won't let me deal with my mistake, but that was just one fellow whom I will let slide in view of her being an obnoxious jerk to almost everyone. I was thankful however, that the uncle was forgiving enough.
In fact, now that I think about it, I am thankful for the mistake. It made me realised how I have been so out of touch with my patients. I have forgotten how to care for them, to offer them support, to remind them about God, to tell them it is okay to be sick and ask for help, to remind them how they need to muster the energy in themselves to help themselves.
And the uncle made me relearn all those. It was quite a price to pay, but yeah, Alhamdulillah. At first, I could not bear to look at the uncle, but he was always smiling and assuring me all is well that my heart could not but go to him, and to make that eye contact saying "I hope you are well today" every time we face each other.
He just reminded me about things I always USED to do with my patients, to get to know them, and during rounds, make this side jokes - without the superiors noticing, which, has made my HO experience so much more worth it and special.
Never mind the long hours of work. Never mind missing out on things (which, if you've scheduled properly, sebenarnya, not missing much pun) Haha. Honestly, to be able to do our job and to be able to spread happiness doing that, well, that is a blessing itself.
There is a responsibility that comes with being a senior HO whether I like it or not, and yes, I need to speed up a little, and spice up the remainder of this ending journey. Like how my senior HOs has inspired me in my younger days, I need to leave a legacy as well. Ilmu adalah among the things we can carry to our graves kan? So lets!
-----
I honestly was so afraid of the mistake. I called Mama. And she told me to pray to Him. And she would do the same. And I was reminded of this, how wonderful He is.
Senior HO,
Nora
No comments:
Post a Comment