The reason some of us lost the bet was because of this.
I really thought of a cool macho clean sending-off of myself from the land-of-learning-so-much-stored-potential but my body already felt uneasy as we board the plane. On the first plane ride home, there weren't that many passengers and after confirming an empty row, I sat in the back, alone at first. Tears welled up as the plane started moving. And being bored, Thamarai came to sit in the same row as I.
Upon exiting the airport, I saw that plane. The one painted "PRAGUE (heart) YOU" and that was when all attempt of a charismatic egress from the soil where I grew for six years, failed. I most probably cried because I hoped to have done more in a place I won't be seeing for a while. Being in Med School kinda have the effect of making you focus. Perhaps a little too much. I was, too busy wallowing in the sorrow of the many exams I had to prepare for, and had forgotten the sweet rewards of doing things beyond my norm.
Not taking a potential risks always leads to regret on my part. In a way, perhaps, I had, wired my brain to see Mad School through, hence turning a blind eye on the many opportunities which were, noticeably putting on a show in front of me, which I glanced at and decided weren't for me. Not just yet, that was probably what my conscience decided to argue with.
I regretted not doing so many things, but living with the here and now, I decided, since I'm still alive, maybe the memory of what Prague was, was enough for me. And regret was a necessary feel, for without it, I may not be able to convince myself that I should, indeed, do more this moment.
-----
I went for a 2-day course, with the intention to learn practical things to sort out the mess I believe I'm in, which I may have an idea to overcome but can't proceed with, without the right tools.
Anyway, one of the speaker is from a mixed parentage. And he was encouraging cross breeding. (there was a slot dedicated to making sure the marriage you get into would benefit) You get better kids (go Google). Hmmm. Haven't encountered a cross-able other breed so far. Mostly not yet cross-able. Get my drift? lol lol
Then again, the who and when can only be decided when I feel worthy enough to make someone else happy for the rest of my life.
Depending on who dies first in the equation of course.
-----
The Procrastinator
I have yet to finish the self-dev book. I think I've drained too much brain juice last weekend. I did finish 3 volume of fiction though. *Sungguhlah tidak meletakkan yang penting terlebih dahulu. Aiyark.*
I passed my JPJ test :) Getting the license this Friday (2 weeks after the test. Haih, would have done it at JPJ myself if I knew it would take so long for the school to be done with it). Can't wait to cruise on the driver's seat. Kekeke.
I'm still undecided about a Teddy Bear Hospital next week. I should go aite? Have a look at potential clients? Yes yes I should. Must break wall. Must meet people.
Physiology (read: menstruation) is making developing new habits a bit hard. < alasan, ini semua ALASAN!
Well, make me content O Allah, and wherever this may lead, lead it all to You.
Nora
No comments:
Post a Comment