truth is

Bismillah

It has been running around in my mind for quite sometime. And I'm surprised that the only person I've ever told about this is Jitka. Jitka, the organiser of the fifth and six year students of the faculty. Now that I'm writing it, it'll be known to many I guess.

Public Health, with a specialisation in social care. Not Paediatrics. Not O&G. Not Neonatology. My heart is in that I guess. To be a blessing to the broken hearted. Cause my soul, mind and body lives with the memories of being stretch too much. And I know how hurtful and damaging the effect could be in the beginning. And then God taught me to love myself, by learning to know who I am, from learning to know who He is. It is after the realisation that I can actually learn to really love other things. To unconditionally love.

Because if children grew up without forgiving, then, what would become of the future generation? It is sad to see teenagers being left to live on their own, when, clearly, they need guidance. There is a reason why we all have to go through infancy, toddler, childhood, teenage years and eventually adult. Cause of the growth potential, physically and mentally, that may be best explained by these stages. Circumstances would lead to some being held accountable for bigger things at a much younger age. Hence, being a bit dysfunctional, without proper help.

ps: I asked about abuse cases here in Prague. Very rare. And in Malaysia, well, do read this article. http://www.thesundaily.my/news/793489

Public Health. Not a glamorous job. Tapi when your heart is in it. And you feel like it's a masalah ummah.

I should go for it, kan?

This cost almost 3/4 of a million RM. Dan ia adalah batu loncatan untuk bigger things. Aku harap pilihan ni yang terbaik.

I don't know how many Panadols I've consumed. And the Coldrex. Coffee. 3 big jars of those this semester alone. Red Bull, last drank that for exam in the previous semester. I decided it's only good for sports activity, when I need forced concentration. Not useful for exams, cause you force your brain to fry itself when clearly, it needs rest. Ample of duas. Yang tak ternilai. And on top of it all, Divine Intervention. Walaupun aku agak skeptik dengan term "intervention" sebab God doesn't intervene, He doesn't need to, He motions it ALL.

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Good people

God made me learnt lots from muallafs. Ghuraba' dalam erti kata sebenar. They are not seasoned by culture and family traditions. They uphold what is written with more ease. As a sign of living in gratitude for His Mercy. They learnt about God and fell in love with Him. And they don't judge, cause they understand very well, that everyone comes from somewhere. Aduhaiii.. bersih sungguh hati-hati kamu.
I hope to be in an institution to be among these people. As a side activity, besides being at the hospital. Surround myself with as many great people as possible, but not leave anyone behind. Cause I hope to have that epic gathering dekat Jannah, with all dear to this heart. :)

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Repeatedly forgiving

Even if it means that I have to call you both separately, I think I'll be ready to let go of whatever ideals I have before. For I want you both to be happy.
Cause whatever happened in life, you both love me. And I must love you, together or not. As a daughter, I need to do at least that much.
I won't have childish hopes, for I can be very unforgiving if I do.
I hope only from Him, and I hope to be prepared to love whatever is given to me.

Oh Allah, make me and the rest, a blessing for them. And please make us among the righteous, and the occupants of your Paradise, and let not the Hell fire touch us.
It'll be hard, so please please instill in us the strength to go on trusting You.

Rasa kuat bila lemah sebagai hamba,
Nora