paranoia

It's sad how ONLY when things drive you to the edge that you become sincere.
How to remind oneself that if I screw this life, there won't be a second chance?

Things will work out with practice, kan?
And practice is with the aim that this heart holds true to the fact that, You're my only hope.

So far, the prep for Ramadhan is:
I shall have no compulsory Medical Posting in Ramadhan. Cause we did the clerkship already ^^ Lets try to go for the Subuh sermon as well, this time around. I hope they would discuss really good topics like they did last year but any topic will do I guess, seeing as how we all need the reminder.

To do next:
Ask Abah to bring us Raya shopping ASAP. 
Fill in the Habitator for Ramadhan and attain some goals (at least one please!)
Night cycling/BBing/badminton.
Prepare to be a better student and doctor.

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Why the blog is no longer private: cause I is now free!!!
Alhamdulillah, no more exams for fifth year! ^^
Though it scares me that I'll be having the license to kill in a year's time. Seems like this break calls for a round of intensive studying cause after some small talk over coffee with a senior, it seems like time would run out real fast. So fast that we wouldn't even have room to be depressed, etc.

(Need to stock up on really nice instant things. :D Owh yeah~ at least I'll end up as the Instant Queen this coming year of study)

I'm thinking about the necessity of a magazine for all of us. :) Or maybe just a photobook. One to glance through in future and say things like "charles university. yeah, we had oral exams" "we were once student" "gosh, we've done so much to get here" "i musn't give up, everyone is putting up a fight" "i was so thin back then" HAHAHA.

Anyway, although exam is over, I still have 2 things to be done with before being officially done for 5th year. Obs & Gyn rounds (can't wait to find out if I'll experience pre-syncope/syncope again - it's such an interesting field, but I don't have the guts -or rather, enough blood perfusion- to handle it. Kyaaa~ tak sabar actually, to go for rounds in Malaysia, cause I can at least understand the patients!)

And readers, please, do pray for all of us students around the world who are taking exams and risking our lives (with unhealthy nutrition and lifestyle, being psyched etc) to gain knowledge to serve people :). Since we are/were students, marilah bersama-sama mendoakan kejayaan satu sama lain. Prayers are the best weapon on this battlefield of uncertainty (papers, you write on them. oral exams, just scares the ****** out of you *exaggerating*)

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You know the things about saving up in other people's emotional account?
On how if you've a high enough reserve, then taking out some points wouldn't hurt the person that much (ie they'll pretty much forgive you?)
Well, I just though about how much we could hurt others if we make an overdraft.
That is, to begin with, there wasn't much saving in the emotional account.
And for whatever reason, you take the whole remaining chunk and some more. Which leaves you in quite a large debt by inflicting hurt on the person involved. And by hurting others, you would leave scars, which, like an overdraft, requires you to pay more than what you took out. ie forgiveness comes after a larger deposit than the withdrawal.

Maybe that's why some things aren't easily forgotten but really, we should learn to ease the burden on each other. By making small little deposits that evolves with time. Before its too late. Before you'd wish all those time you spent hating were spent loving instead.

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And I'm thankful to be able to write tonight. :)