life after the hurdle

 Bismillah

The first agenda on the list, camping. 

Drove to a camping spot, set up tent, shelter, cooked a Michelin-star inspired ramen. Enjoying the rain and chilling in the tent. Just the sound of cicadas and birds and the pitter patter of rain. 

Did not manage to stay the night though. Most campers bailed out cause of the rain. So, for a first timer, it was kinda creepy to stay in such secluded place. 

What we learnt that day; 

set up the tarp first, and honestly, the tarp I had was not big enough for the tent. or maybe use those shelter-thingy.

get a place with good internet connection. 

buy ice from a local store near you XD. 

bring you brother along. 

brighter light source. 

Going to drag the neurosurgeon next time. And up the cooking game. Woot~

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And I just got back from a trip to the land of Legos! Taking full benefit of the light rain and non-school-holiday weekday. Minimal queuing (either first or second to go) for all the rides. :) Did a good two rounds before exiting the park. 

It is my first visit since it opened. I think The Kingdom installation was the best out of all the attractions. The rides weren't the scariest I have been on. Rather than the feeling of leaving my heart behind, the G forces acting on the acute curves were actually tolerable. 

Didn't get to ride the Dinosaur one though T_T. No single rider allowed. 

But I love Dinos. Glad to have been to USJ. That, needs a revisit. 

*if all goes well, hopefully end of the year*

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Those were perhaps the two activities in which I took photos. 

There was also the part where I attended Nouman Ali Khan's story night, and a pre-New Year journaling session. 

Looking forward to make macarons next. 

And also that motorcycle license. 

Not forgetting, keeping up with the journaling this year, two weeks and counting >.<

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I have also found myself reading again, like, for the enjoyment of it. 

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Alhamdulillah, that I get to do these things. 

Alhamdulillah, that I am still alive. 

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Reconnecting with friends and family. 

Glad not all is lost. 

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I pray for your happiness and ease in whatever you do today! 

Love, 

Nora 

pantai timur

 Bismillah

One part down, Alhamdulillah. It has been a humbling ride, and I was surprised, when H said, she would do it all again. At that point, I felt like it was the embodiment of the word husnudzhon. Cause the biggest part of the journey, is learning to embrace oneself, the good, the bad, the ugly, and mostly, the great potential within.

Thank You, for the many opportunities and friends I got to know along the way. And for teaching me to let go of what drained me. What lies at the end of unanswered prayers, were more beautiful thank I could have asked for. Thank You for saving me, time and time again. 

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It is step one again, it will be different though. 

I think I know myself more now. 

:)

start living

 Bismillah 

Juggling work, exam and restructuring the heart and mind seemed to put some things on hold. At least that is what I thought. Sometimes, you have to give yourself credit for doing what you think is the bare minimal, and start thinking of how the things you do are the maximal effort you can exert for now. Pat yourself in the back, take a breather, and carry on in the right direction. 

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Perhaps one of the thought provoking conversations we had in the previous session was, what next? Regardless of what is going to happen, what is next on the to-do-list?

I told you I wanted to start living again. Take a well deserved break. Regardless of the result. 

And so I did. It was a trip of discovering that my physical health has deteriorated (or it might be the altitude and my rush to reach the top). And to find what beauty I thought I missed out on 20 years ago, is just a tiny little piece of land inspired by European architecture. 

i.e. I did not miss much, time and with it, space, has moved on, and so must I. 

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What made a whole lot of difference this time is, the fact that I showed up. A majority of the time. 

And I asked for adjustments in my schedule. 

Admitting to family and friends when I am just so darn exhausted. 

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One last hurdle to overcome before a major adjustment in responsibilities at work.

Alhamdulillah for where I have been and where I am and where I am going. Make ease. Amin

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The next trigger, regardless of the outcome is, how do I plan to start living life again? Outside of the academic rat race? 

*hold hands excitedly like a villain who just got the greatest plans laid out to achieve his far-fetched dreams

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Yuroshiku!

window to the unconscious - part i

It was not her usual frilled flower dress, anyone could tell that the garment she had on, was to be celebrated, like she is, on that day. Victorian-inspired, tiered diamond ruffled mint flower dress, one she would have been accustomed to, if it weren't for the choice of colour; only cause she celebrates the melancholic persona she had been portraying, so much that if it were gray or the darker shade of blue, wearing the dress would have made her feel at home. 

Mint coloured her to appear as an innocent, soft, almost vulnerable to some extent, judging by the way she held her right fingers in her left hand, and if you look close enough, how she gently squeezes them intermittently. How could she not? Being sweet and dainty is an occurrence she would like to keep within her private space, which, at the moment projects no further than her pericardium, the thin lining of her heart. 

Oh, she was once sweet and dainty, something she was nurtured to do to avoid the scorn of her elders when she was young, which pathologically evolved into people pleasing and her eventually learning the hard way, after being manipulated by her genteel acquaintances (who really were, the worst of evil), for their personal gains. So she learnt instead to have trust issues. 

With almost all eyes on her, majority of which were unknown, vulnerable is an understatement. Overwhelmed but with very little time and space to work with, she decided to be an impostor, keeping her confusion at bay, and puts on her professional mask of being approachable. 

It was the day of her wedding after all. 

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That is it for today, until the next episode. 

I once wrote about an alchemist who served dragons. 

And I lost the text. 

I just remembered the feeling of accomplishment for finishing the chapter. 

It has been a while, but I am glad to be able to have fun typing things down today. 

Alhamdulillah ^_^

can a heart be so readily moved?

 Bismillah

I'm deeply rooted

In being stationary 

Storms and quakes

Failed to uproot me

My heart hurts

My body wary

Do I rot

Before I can break free?

Do I tear

Limb by limb

Just to be?

I am of higher purpose

Before I am me

Nudge me

So I move

Closer towards You

Stuck but,

I really wish to run

Towards Your eternity

Nora

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Times are a bit rough. 

Finding a balance between embracing who I am and also catching up on studies. 

Between forgiving myself and reminiscing on the abundance of regrets that I have. 

Between celebrating my wins and rectifying my mistakes. 

The bad guys always seem to win. 

Or are they really the bad guys?

I wish I could talk it out but maybe, I am far too embarrassed. 

I wish I could cry it out, but I may have forgotten how. 

I do this masking game too well. 

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If I were rich, I'd take a break from work. 

For a month or two. 

It is just too tiring right now. 

one day at a time

 Bismillah

The reason why we need to learn from mistakes, is because, mistakes come with repercussions. 

And every time we make the same mistake, they would add up. 

Until one day, it becomes too much to bear.

And we become too ashamed to ask for help. 

It would ear us up, drain us, until we are left with very little of ourselves, to recover. 

We ended up exhausting our mind, body and soul, just to climb out of the shithole we so nonchalantly created. 

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Even if you are halfway climbing, just keep moving. 

Even a little. 

It is going to take a while. 

A habit of many years, cannot be erased in one night. 

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You sometimes need to hit rockbottom. 

Just so you can see, the many ways out. 

Just so the road you used to hate to take, becomes a welcoming friend today. 

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When I saw them welcoming the refuges today, I wish I was also there to help. 

I wish I were rich enough to be able to do more. 

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You'll get there. 

One day at a time. 

Nora

juicy

 Bismillah

Hallo summer fruits! Watermelons are nice but seeing the price of peaches and cherries slightly cheaper than other months of the year is just awesome! A treat I find myself and Mama looking forward to yearly. 

Managed to get a long enough weekend for a staycation with the family. I did not know they were going to block some main roads in Key Ell for the coronation. Thank God we were walking distance from groceries and really nice meals. It was Min's birthday. Me, Mama and Hana were browsing stores and decided to buy her some fancy-reasonably-priced spices, 8 bottles of them. Afia wrote her a card, and we framed the artwork of Afia, Ali together with a cute polaroid of them. And we managed to keep it a secret for a day. Even the bag where we put all her presents were intricately decorated by me and Afia. 

We got to know Afia and Ali LOVE hummus. And ramen with chicken broth is something Afia actually likes. I knew she liked ramen before, but apparently she only eats them when I buy them, cause Min cooks and ramen is prolly not in her list of meals she regularly prepares. 

I regretted not being able to join the fun swimming session. Being 2 years old did not stopped Ali from repeatedly jumping into the pool (wearing the float jacket). Maybe cause the Iranian auntie sunbathing was cheering him on as well. Looks like he definitely will come over to my place the next time they are in Klang Valley. I do not fancy swimming alone. Though I probably should, my joints are so stiff T_T

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I am back on track with the final exam preparations. It is sometimes scary to think that the more I read, the more I don't know. And that is how life is right now. The more I open my eyes to what the world has to offer, more uncertainties pop out. And it is so easy to get sidetracked.

I guess in times like this, it is best to have an anchor. To keep me grounded. To have a purpose. And praying that every step that I take, will be blessed. 

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More than anything, I really hope what I do pleases God. 

Nora