Tuesday, April 29, 2014

two extremes


I am currently working in the neonatal ward. Alhamdulillah, for the abundance of experience. Alhamdulillah, that most of the time working, my path was eased. Alhamdulillah, that Paeds is something I come to love more each day.
I hope to strive. To happily do so, and to be blessed doing so.


I find the need to write today because God sent me a special patient today.

My first special patient was in Medical department, but that was a story left untold due to the lack of motivation I had to write previously. (It was, a department where one can get depleted of energy really fast, mind you)

Apparently, my patient is a spot on diagnosis. I was surprised myself, to be able to meet one, to have been given the chance of attending and clerking her.
Born today at 1012 and passed on only recently.

I remember trying out her reflexes, which didn't amount to much. Moro, sucking, palmar grasp.
And stroking her when she was suddenly apnoeic. And watching her thrive for breaths.
And how I can sigh relief every time her heart beat and oxygen saturation picks up, whenever, the values derange.

I am glad I got to touch her, I was trying to channel hope. Though I can't tell if hope was more for me or her. I was hoping I don't have to see her go.

But she did. Not when I was around, but she did.

And it confuses me now. Cause the other three cases I attended to today, was a prem, whom was jittery, otherwise normal. An infant of a diabetic mother, and a neonatal jaundice case. In my head, what was going on was, well little one, at least, you're not like her. I know it's wrong to think that way, everyone has their share of burden. It was wrong to make such comparison. Kan?

Am I perhaps in denial? Haha. Perhaps I should have seen her go. Then again, it is better not to. :'(

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun.

Don't grief too long.


On a fairly happy note, we got ourselves a Ukelele today. :)
Nah, I can't be smiling somehow.
Give me strength. Please. :(

Love always, regardless,

Friday, April 25, 2014



Then again, seek His refuge.
Ask, and you will be given.

In the event that we ask of what is the best that could happen, to protect our Deen, and in the event that we don't obtain what we imagine, then have faith that He has a much interesting route to offer.

This World is after all a petty place to be.
Our shelf life is The Jannah.


And I am in the process of convincing myself that these two years should be one where I limit my rest. Break down some walls. And explore the beauty of living.

Haha. Over.

Love always,

Monday, April 21, 2014



Semestinya ada perbezaan. Antara seorang lelaki yang beriman dan yang tidak.

Dan itu penentu segala-galanya dalam sebuah interaksi.

Kadang-kadang, tak terlambat untuk mengenang sebuah nasihat seorang kakak boss "owh, tak perlu risau, dia orang-orang beriman"

5 months working and I cannot help but feel like I have to be more cautious. Can't let myself get accustomed to a norm that is against my principle. Huaaaaaa.

Sometimes i feel, work would be easier if I were married. There can at least be a wall I can (literally or not) hide behind in times of despair.


God help save me from myself. :'(

Please please please guide me, then keep me on the straight path,

Saturday, April 05, 2014

love again


Love again, would you want to?

Could it be that divorce is allowed in Islam so that people could grieve a loss, and then decide to love again?
Sampai boleh rujuk tiga kali. Lol.

Cause we are so blind with what is in front of us.
We need to lose something to realise its value.

And seeing as how Death can't mend the past, Divorce is there to shake your soul and knock sense into you. Haha.

Try reading that with the style of a preacher. Cynical.

Divorce. Never ever forget that it is a deed that quakes His Arasy.

Tak haram, tapi sayangnya kalau perlu begitu.
Sayangnya kalau benci dan bukan marah.

Haha. This is not random. I just watched a drama.

Kadang-kadang kena tonton drama, untuk belajar Sunnatullah. Lol. We all lack the art of touching hearts and filling in each other's emotional accounts. Kan?


To love is?

In the end, it all boils down to someone who can bring my heart peace, and that I'm able to be a source of tranquility as well.

And to be reminded of our roles.
And make that calmness alive (hey..that looks like an oxymoron! kekeke)
Again and again.

It all starts within yourself,

Thursday, April 03, 2014

the end

Bismillah, Alhamdulillah
:) One posting down, another five to go.
With the hopes of being smarter, more skilled, more sincere and a better agent of Mercy in the next one.
So much to do, in hopefully a sufficient amount of time.


I was wondering the other day, about how big this job actually is.
I don't quite like it when people use the term "doc" out of hospital.
One fine day I found out, that wasn't a choice. I can't walk off when a person is in distress, outside the hospital.
I mean, if the lrt brokedown, and there were electrical engineers around, they don't like, fix the lrt kan?
But if someone passes out, it is compulsory for me to try and save that person, regardless of the primitivity of equipments available.
How come I never realise this sooner. Haha. Man, must totally try to be an expert at my job. Gagaga.


Anyhow, I still am undecided on which specialty to go with.

Dear God, how can I best serve You by serving humanity?

A young doctor, I am,