Saturday, November 30, 2013



All it took was a simple, "are you okay?".

To realise that it's not that hard. And you're not alone in it. Busy weeks went past. There was the follow up for the MWC program and the Teddy Hospital (jadi artis 30saat on TV AlHijrah. keke) and the car processing and induction and finishing off a financial book (Pesara Jutawan by Azizi Ali. A very good, practical book ;) ).

They were all good. In fact, I felt relieved that they occupied a large portion of my life, without which, I may have gone a lil' cuckoo.


The younger sis has arrived from OZ and she popped out the question of how I could stand all off it. And I told her, I couldn't, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't make the most out of the situation.

Honestly I was surprised when she asked, then slowly realising that I have managed, in some inexplicable way, to learn to be free of it. Thank God. And to be happy and make others happy.

The same day, Mama told me how sorry she felt for me. I told her I was already okay. And she kept going on about the guilt etc, which made me cry. For like 3 seconds. Have to keep my cool. Haha.

I found out about what happened while I was away for the induction. Confirmed some suspicions. And decided it wasn't a matter we could do anything about.

I suffered, true, but like any other first times, it only hurts tremedously at the start. And no, I haven't developed immunity but now it feels like the burden is halved :') Alhamdulillah.

And you, are you okay?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

the point is


Nothing in life comes easy.
You have to pay the price!
Everyone has to pay the price!

What a naive young man to think that he could gain a lifetime of learning without paying the price.
But are we any less naive to think that we can secure a good job and a promising future if we haven't paid the price to develop a strong mind?

And you have to believe, if you've paid the price, that whatever has happened, was the best way it could. :) Totally love this interpretation of The Road Not Taken. Original here.


Retrospectively, the only price you have to pay is the first step. Cause when you sign up for something, you realise that things are really, fairly manageable. And my, how wonderful it is when you've learnt things that could help others. Return of investment requires those; the amount you're willing to put forward, and being patient with time.

It's scary at times, well, most of the times, to decide on letting yourself being stretched to your limit. To be a player in a game you're unfamiliar with. The more you give however, the more rewards you'll get.

First steps need jihad.
You gotta want it.
Like desperately.
Like you'll need it one day.
And truthfully, there are many first steps we're grateful we'd taken.


The next great step is internship. Truthfully, since working life will commence in about two weeks, I'm very scared. Have to keep my vision clear. I need to develop competence, and what better choice than a busy hospital.

Thank God I'm almost done with my Medical handbook. Along the way, I hope to finalise more books.

At least finish them in the first six months. Must be pseudo-MO in a year's time. And decide on a specialty the second year. Oh yeah!!!

What first steps did we make today?

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

cross breeding


The reason some of us lost the bet was because of this.

I really thought of a cool macho clean sending-off of myself from the land-of-learning-so-much-stored-potential but my body already felt uneasy as we board the plane. On the first plane ride home, there weren't that many passengers and after confirming an empty row, I sat in the back, alone at first. Tears welled up as the plane started moving. And being bored, Thamarai came to sit in the same row as I.

Upon exiting the airport, I saw that plane. The one painted "PRAGUE (heart) YOU" and that was when all attempt of a charismatic egress from the soil where I grew for six years, failed. I most probably cried because I hoped to have done more in a place I won't be seeing for a while. Being in Med School kinda have the effect of making you focus. Perhaps a little too much. I was, too busy wallowing in the sorrow of the many exams I had to prepare for, and had forgotten the sweet rewards of doing things beyond my norm.

Not taking a potential risks always leads to regret on my part. In a way, perhaps, I had, wired my brain to see Mad School through, hence turning a blind eye on the many opportunities which were, noticeably putting on a show in front of me, which I glanced at and decided weren't for me. Not just yet, that was probably what my conscience decided to argue with.

I regretted not doing so many things, but living with the here and now, I decided, since I'm still alive, maybe the memory of what Prague was, was enough for me. And regret was a necessary feel, for without it, I may not be able to convince myself that I should, indeed, do more this moment.


I went for a 2-day course, with the intention to learn practical things to sort out the mess I believe I'm in, which I may have an idea to overcome but can't proceed with, without the right tools.

Anyway, one of the speaker is from a mixed parentage. And he was encouraging cross breeding. (there was a slot dedicated to making sure the marriage you get into would benefit) You get better kids (go Google). Hmmm. Haven't encountered a cross-able other breed so far. Mostly not yet cross-able. Get my drift? lol lol

Then again, the who and when can only be decided when I feel worthy enough to make someone else happy for the rest of my life.

Depending on who dies first in the equation of course.


The Procrastinator

I have yet to finish the self-dev book. I think I've drained too much brain juice last weekend. I did finish 3 volume of fiction though. *Sungguhlah tidak meletakkan yang penting terlebih dahulu. Aiyark.*

I passed my JPJ test :) Getting the license this Friday (2 weeks after the test. Haih, would have done it at JPJ myself if I knew it would take so long for the school to be done with it). Can't wait to cruise on the driver's seat. Kekeke.

I'm still undecided about a Teddy Bear Hospital next week. I should go aite? Have a look at potential clients? Yes yes I should. Must break wall. Must meet people.

Physiology (read: menstruation) is making developing new habits a bit hard. < alasan, ini semua ALASAN!

Well, make me content O Allah, and wherever this may lead, lead it all to You.


Thursday, November 07, 2013



You're lovely.  In that you strive to make things alright.  For you understand very well the challenging battle that everyone faces. You may not make any changes in what was fated by doing so, but by keeping your cool, you lessen the pressure, you make things better.

You're lovely. Your words are spot on, cause you took time and effort to learn one another. You're lovely in that you speak to bring hearts closer to knowing and loving Him. And what makes you beautiful is because He has bestowed upon you His Mercy and you hoped so hard that you've been chosen to be His agent of mercy.

You're lovely. Your actions are driven by what you believe in. Your principles solid, your approach flexible. You're never too harsh, you're never too genteel.  You are moderate in practice.

You are loved. Cause that's what we do with lovely people. We love them. :)

I will love. Everything.

Monday, November 04, 2013



It took 10 years to reopen a book that helped me cope high school. Funny thing is, I'm reading the teen version of it now (as opposed to the adult version previously).


Taking it slow.
I'm ridding victimitis.
And planning a better route of my return to soil.


The lunch expedition wasn't a lovely thing, it was by all means, terrible.

However, as the saying goes (I made it up today); if you don't enjoy the ride, enjoy the food. Food is always good.


I wish all of us a better tomorrow!