Friday, September 27, 2013



Belajar mengelak keputusan menyusuli sesuatu perasaan.
Perasaan tidak dapat menundukkan akal.
Kalau kau sentiasa sedar apa yang sedang bermain dalam jiwa.

Muhasabah diri.



Was interesting. Though, I think a research should definitely be aided with good internet connection. Quite a pain to wait for a page to load there. Good thing the coming days, work can be done from home.
Thank God.


SPA dan kerenah menjaga masa penduduk Malaysia

Interview tomorrow. Had to buy a new shoe. Tak menyesal langsung. :) Been busy the whole week and the studying starts a lot later. SPA pun bagi tahu Monday. Owh well, semua orang punya masa yang sama.

Hoping the shipped stuffs arrive sooner though. :/ Tak konsisten lah the delivery. Adoiyai.

When you're met with datelines yang entah pape, it's safe to say, welcome back, ke Tanah Melayu.

Saturday, September 21, 2013



"He said 'Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way'."
- Starlight, by Taylor Swift

When you throw all the junks lying around you, you'll find potential.

Or so I did, when I decided to outgrow my mourning. Lol. Thank God for the courage. Won't know what would become of me otherwise. Haha.

So organising number one goes to the comic shelf. Berjaya integrate all the books into one shelf, leaving the other one empty. Jyeaahhh.

With layering, there's potential for more comics! Wee hoooooo...

And I don't know why must we have so many dates in this house. Of the different kind. Then I volunteered to make fruit cordial from them. And Mama said to spare the expensive ones. I told her, how, the key to good food is from good ingredient. Well, she didn't buy what I said. And so I used the ones yang tidak semahal. Next month kalau tak habis jugak, I shall finish them all. Regardless. Muahahaha (best evil laugh).

If left too long, mesti rosak all these fruits. Aigoo.

Owh and sekarang atas dasar kebosanan, the new in thing is to surf the net before cooking a meal. Haha. I'll request Mama to make Hoddeok tomorrow. Sebab esok mesti penat pergi kelas.

Come Tuesday, boleh melapor diri untuk kerja sambilan. :) Alhamdulillah atas peluang yang ada.
Permudahkan permudahkan.

Buang kebimbangan, beri ruang kembang potensi,

Wednesday, September 18, 2013



Monkey see monkey do.

*insert monkey sound*




Lets not give up.
Lets not give up.
Lets not give up.
Lets not give up.
Lets not give up.

Wake up. Live.


Tuesday, September 17, 2013



Little girl,
Life should not be defined,
By the prison in your mind.

Monday, September 16, 2013

little talks



We need to develop ways to calm ourselves.
Cause unopposed uncertainties may lead to dangerous places. :O

Then we came to the conclusion that there was no other way.
Which also means, there was nothing to be afraid of anymore.
If we're at the end of the road, then, just how much further can we not go?
So we strive with all we have (or rather, what abilities which were given to us, since we are, nothing to begin with) and somehow, continue living.

And we hoped so bad, that these unbearable happenings would erase our past misdeeds.
Not because of vengeance, rather, as a form of purification.
So our hearts remember what innocence is.
So that what greets us in the after life is the most happiest ending.

Dunia penjara orang mukmin. Dan aku tertanya-tanya, adakah hidup bahagia itu sebenarnya angan-angan duniawi juga? Haha.
I just know we shouldn't hurt one another. :/ Mercy above justice.

Make us feel at ease O Lord.


Sunday, September 15, 2013

pelarian manis


Alhamdulillah, I was granted a sweet escape. :) With Hana. Hehe. I went down memory lane, also famously known in my head as Kuantan.

Primary school. :) Majulah Assunta!

Teluk Chempedak. I used to take off one of my selipar Jepun, to let the wave carry it far, then back again. I get really nervous when it is swept away but always held on to the faith that it will return. Haha. 

This part of childhood was lovely in that, conflicts were minimal. He was busy with work and Mama was busy raising the boys. Fortunately, I was allowed to explore the world, experiencing things on my own. Where walking trips to the grocery store are filled with adventure, be it because a lizard got caught in my pants, or we came across a frog-filled puddle, or we had to care for baby birds which fell off their nest bitten by angry ants. And how we ran home after Terawikh prayers, for fear of hantu, which we argued, was invalid, because they got tied up in the month of Ramadhan. This matter of fact, did not however, prevent scraped knees and torn sarong and a very furious mother at home.

Wan Aisyah (Convent Ipoh), with the Assunta girls L-R Izzah, Farisha, Nabila, Azizi ;) Farisha has started a cafe by the name "Kula Cakes" with her special mango cheesecake which tasted absolutely amazing!!! Yeay to successful friends!

Our house was close to school and friends would drop by after class. More for the food than because we had any school related projects to finish. Not many moms were housewives, hence the house becoming a favourite spot for hungry schoolchildren.

The closing chapter was when the first promise was broken, and it was not known then, that it was the start of many more to come.

How I hated the final month.

And the years that follow.

Those years of life however, were what made me into who I am today. :)
They were necessary. So I learnt to hope from Him alone. And for that, I am grateful. :)

I hope with time, the pathological thinking and behaviour that developed from it would disappear. Still a long way to go, but lets not give up, aite? ;)


Bersabar meneruskan kehidupan,

Thursday, September 12, 2013



I passed my Undang-undang test ^_^ Alhamdulillah.



And Shifa terselamat daripada terpilih for the AF thing. She has great potential for other things. Lets pray she'll use those potentials instead.

Owh, this video, has Shifa, Adik (Asraf) and Tisha. :) It's so sweet to see them three. Dah balik Malaysia, tapi belum pernah bersua. Aiyaiyaiii..

Thank God

Wednesday, September 11, 2013



A boy and a girl cannot go under the label bestfriend. It just doesn't cut it. Either they both like each other or one of them does. 

Saya rasa girlfriend adik saya cainis, dan belum beragama Islam. 

Err this is a first. Tahu kena buat something tapi apa? 


:O :O :O

Sister in distressss~~~~~

crime melodrama


Remember the review on The Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling? Well, as a refresher, I thought that book was horrible. Not the language, rather the theme. And one can't help but feel depressed after reading it.

And Malaysia has its own share of stories. Stories untold, for fear of ruining "reputations". Stories we daren't acknowledge, an act which, confirms the sick reality of this sick world we naively chose to be in.


KL NOIR - Every City Has A Dark Side

The book is Wani's. We went to Pavi last weekend, to meet Akma who was in town to help her brother shop for his coming engagement. Orang Brunei kaya betul. Datang Malaysia cari barang kat Pavi. Oh mai~ We fetched and sent Wani home, and in the short stay of half an hour, her books, some of them, came to be in my possession. One of which, is KL NOIR.

The book is a compilation of short stories. And a superb compilation, I must say. These shorties are written by award winning authors. *bangga saya sebagai rakyat Malaysia* However, I can say that I'm not proud with the stories in it. Language-wise, fantastic but the theme was around damnation, honest writing, that I find very disturbing. The kind of reading material that automatically switch on the frown on your face. And makes you feel like there's a lump in your throat. Tidak selesa.

In the book, stories like Mamak Murder Mystery and The Oracle of Truth are what I can classify as most harmless. I've heard of gangsters in PJ and duit kopi and bribery is something we frequently read in the media, so, it did not came as a surprise. The reality of how these things are hushed, however, kinda make you lose hope in humanity. Tsk tsk. Haih~

Then there are other stories, stories I may not come to know until I start working. And it has everything to do with the Emergency, Forensic and Psychiatry department. It's sad to know lunatics are let free, for the simple reason that his relative is a "somebody". And in return, his punishment can be simply put on the shoulder of an innocent PATI (pendatang asing tanpa izin) and mind you, this is not for petty crimes. :'( Haih.

Astargfirullah. What a sad sad world we live in.

The last time, when I read TCV, God gave the chance to visit some orphanage for children not cared for. I wonder where this will lead.

If you are not a regular or sensitive to the problems of the society, if you live in the comforts of your safety zone, then, readers you are warned, the book can kill your innocence. However, it is of course, reminded that naivety doesn't actually fare well in this world of competition. In this land where everything is so freaking expensive that everybody, steals, for need, for greed. And they still so recklessly to the point that even homicide can't knock back conscience into them.

To be able to write this, to be able to read this, we are actually quite well-to-live.

Today I am grateful that even if I'm imperfect, at least for the time being, I'm still aware that I'm a Muslim. Alhamdulillah. T_T

Lets not ruin our lives, here and There,

ps: has anyone ever watched P Ramlee's Dr Rushdi? Apparently, it is a good movie.

Monday, September 09, 2013



Like how Imam Will puts it,

"It's always a special feeling when you meet a person whose action reminds you that you need to get better because they are so great. Allah Akbar."

:) (:
Allahu Akbar!

Kak Alia once spoke, of having faith in others. For a lot of people, really love others for His sake. And they do good without expecting anything in return, but His blessings. And because of that, we too, give our utmost, so that we have more room for peace and love, and very little room for hate and regret, in our tiny little hearts.

Ironically, it is when you have a lot at hand that you begin to see things more clearly.
Perhaps it is because we disallow our mind to venture into that familiar land of pessimism, that it only picks up pieces of important information, and whatever is left, those small petty things, are just what they really are, small petty things.

Ohkay, need to get back to not so petty-little-book of Panduan Undang-undang Jalan Raya. Kyaaaa...

Wishing everyone enough of everything,

Saturday, September 07, 2013



I  miss being busy.

So I look for things.

:) Save me from wasting time O Lord.

HO thingy, getting in contact with Hasanah. (Ain's cousin, whom I know of when I was very young, who shares the same view on some things. heeee ^_^) Getting my driving license. And hopefully, I could join the research thingy. Kyaaaaaa...

He's making things hard. I hope he'll get over this tantrum period soon. I hope I won't get sick of this ritual of his. Gotta accept the fact that you're not there to fix anything, Nora. :D Live happy, kay? And be kind, be kind for His sake. All will be well. :)


Hana made me watch a ghost story. And here I thought, I would be abstinent for the rest of my life. Tapi ini cerita sumpah lawak dari takut, maka, kutonton dengan hati dan mata dan telinga terbuka. Haha.


Wednesday, September 04, 2013

i cannot sleep


I learnt why a lot of people recommend "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Well, if you're like me, and cannot fare that well with motivational books (ie, terpaksa letak setelah 30 minit membaca), then listening to this should be enough, I hope.


Anthem versus Awek Chuck Taylor versus Under 18

It was a very stressful week. I needed the distraction. So I finished two books and a compilation comic. And it's actually very interesting to read a book written by authors of different genders and if I may put in my term, beliefs.

Funny how the books were both brown :P Anyway, I bought Nami's book because I thought his Tumblr was an interesting read. And seriously, Bahasa-wise, maybe I could write better. (Mama agrees on this. Hail Mama! The parent who actually make an effort to learn about her children! Woot2! Alhamdulillah!)

As for content, I thought both of them could do better. Whilst reading, I can't help feeling that they weren't actually that honest about the characters. Well, I get that it's fiction (eh yeke? macam biografi aje all those things. lol) but they're lacking the essence that would tug a reader. Some details went amiss, so you can't actually relate that well with the plot. Haha.

Hlovate's writing can be pretty much summed up as a grunge/tomboy-ish girl whose quest for God landed her into finding truth and her struggle in adapting and then, prince charming. I've always thought her books are too ideal. Doesn't stop me from being all smiley with happy endings though. I needed a distraction, remember? Haha.

Nami's book ah. Adalah membincangkan masalah anak-anak muda sekarang. Over exposure to shamelessness. Dan mengikut analisa lemah akulah, bagaimana perempuan boleh jatuh hati dekat lelaki yang pandai menjaga hati. Entah berapa banyak girlfriend entah si Hafiz tu tukar ganti dalam cerita ni. Tapi mengikut logik yang Nami bentang at the quarter end of the novel, aku terpaksa bersetuju. Watak Faizal tu pun aku setuju jugak dengan realitinya. Exactly the kind of guy I hope no woman would ever ever ever have to deal with in their marriage live.

Reality sucks. Tapi kau perlu tahu, supaya kau tak sedih sangat, supaya kau bersabar bila berurusan dengan manusia. Supaya kau tak cepat hukum orang, supaya kau dapat sedar, kepentingan untuk ajak sesiapa pun, tanpa mengira siapa mereka, untuk sama-sama lakukan kebaikan.

I honestly think his content were good, in that it speaks of reality but I hope he finds God in a way that would polish the maturity of the content. That way, when he speaks of reality, and tries to conclude it, it would benefit many party.

Like The Casual Vacancy, I shall allow my children to only read these when I think they are mature enough in that they can read with second and third thoughts. (Where every level of thought would analyse and try to pick up what the previous thought, thought wrongly) Books plant ideas in our head, and if we are not aware of how it's shaping us, it could be dangerous!


Nafkah batin

Marah tidaklah didefiniskan sebagai merampus, dan menengking sahaja.
Menghempas pintu ke muka orang.
Baling kunci kereta.
Jalan macam gergasi nak runtuhkan rumah.
Senyuman sinis dan jelingan nak membunuh.
Itupun marah juga.

Gila. Itu semua gila.
Dan aku berlindung kepada Tuhan daripada perbuatan-perbuatan itu.
Please let me be a source of happiness and joy to those around me. Please let me be an agent of Your Mercy. Please.



Tonight, it's better to not sleep.
The mind and its thoughts is a dangerous field to frolic right now.

Love and more,

Tuesday, September 03, 2013



Syifa has started on AF.
Amoi has long started with her band.

Suara sedap pun ujian tahu tak.


Suara tak sedap?


Gi mana sih. Jangan Afundi Syifa everybody. Haih, semoga kau cepat terselamat adik-adik. T_T

Dilemma keluarga seni.

God is good. all the time


1. Think Well of Allah

"I am as My servant's opinion of Me"

I'm trying to clear some mess, so I shall be deriving stuffs from the original text. (Please click to read)

There was once, when I kept falling sick, and I automatically went, "tulah, buat banyak dosa lagi, kan dah dapat balasannya". And Syamee told me, it was inappropriate. It was inappropriate to think bad of Allah.

As written in the article, "Unfortunately, when we do this, we attribute human qualities to Allah (swt). We act as if Allah (swt) has some grudge against us that will heal as soon as he punishes us or rejects some of our requests."

"This thought process taught us that we did not really have hope in Him to begin with. Rather, our hope was in what we believed to be our own good deeds or abilities. Once we slip up or feel that we do not have the strength to continue, we do not think well enough of Allah (swt) that He will guide us through."

"Many people give up in the face of something SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE. Sometimes, we give up on individual level: getting married, getting that job we want; sometimes it is on the global level: such as injustice in the Muslim world. The point of the struggle is to realise who is in charge. It is Allah (swt). Allah (swt) has told us that He is as His servant's think of Him. If we think well, then that is what we will find. If we do not, then that is what we will find. Your opinion should be that Allah (swt) is so Merciful that He would come to your aid."

"We DO NOT have a cruel God; our God is the MOST MERCIFUL of those who show Mercy. When we approach our tests with that frame of mind, we cannot but gain from our experience, inshaAllah."

2. Of Kifarah and Tamhee

Link to original article. (Again, do click to read)

The Quran, 3: 140-142

"Here, Allah refers the purpose of hardships as being tamhees. Tamhee is the same word use to describe a heating and purifying of gold. Without heating it up, gold is precious metal - but it's full with impurities. By performing tamhees, a process of heating, the impurities are removed from gold. This is what God also does with the believers. Through hardships, believers are purified - just like gold."


To get close to someone, you got to get to know them.
This applies in the case of knowing our Lord as well I guess?

This kind of truth, does not hurt. :')


Sugar cane

Somehow, Taufiq and I are fated with cleaning up the mess that comes with the sugar cane. Once was on Monday, and that, thank God, was made really easy. :D

Then today, it rained so hard that the tree (yes, it has grown so freaking tall) broke and we had to remove the mess. It was made easy as well. :D And that is saying something because, if the sugar cane is fresh, then the leaves would definitely leave splints effortlessly on whatever surface it comes into contact with. Somehow, the handling wasn't so bad.

And we had fun playing in the rain. :)

And we talked of how we do things for others, because we understand what they are like. And it doesn't matter that they can't accept us the way we are. We just decided not to be like them. We prefer happy lives, you see. :P


Familiar faces

Harini jumpa a KTT fellow. He was flashing this really friendly smile as if I knew him. XD I think he mistaken me as someone else kot. My KTT days was supposed to be short and not so memorable (at least for others. I keep my wackiness to a certain group of friends). I did tons of things, some are really weird, the surau thing was ridiculous but yeah, glad we got that sorted out in the end.

How I found out he's from KTT? Well, when we wanted to get the certificate of acceptance from MMC, we had to write our details into a book. So I found out his name cause I felt bad not being able to recall a name/face. And I went back and did some stalking. HAHA. That's how I end up thinking he has mistaken me for someone else.

Owh, and I bumped into Aized, at the Shah Alam KTM. And I can't stop thinking of how Thamarai calls him "hero". Lol. If he knew, he has a kipas susah mati.

And then I thought of Prague, and how much I miss that place. :')

Love always,

Monday, September 02, 2013

broken wings


How are we to fly
With broken wings
Will you leave us to die
Hurt by your stings

Times get rough and a little to tough
So these turtledoves decided they've had enough

Place the weight of that broken wing on mine
Then we can work hand in hand
Or wing in wing, that is if you mind
And on our feets we'll go, to traverse this land

The End


No matter how much I try to convince myself that it's okay, I actually am very very afraid of marriage.

It should not hurt anymore, but it does. 

Dear readers, if you plan getting married, love your spouse, love your children. Love them unconditionally. Children are precious gifts. Care for them. Don't ever make people feel that you're treating them like dirt. If you have a problem, then, discuss with everyone. A family should be a support unit that takes care of the welfare of every member. 

It's sad how you can't erase, unlearn, unthink things. Apalah dah jadi dengan kesucian seolah kain putih yang bernama bayi itu? 


Today we talked of how we'd rather it ended. That's what we see as best. For the ones involved. 

Semua hadis adab about parents, rasa terlampau berat sekarang. :'( 

Wosbiru. Innallahha maasobirin. Tiada siapa pun yang bersalah. Tiada satu pun plot cereka hidup ini yang berlaku sia-sia. Percayalah. Kau harus percaya. 

Lost. I'm lost.