Friday, March 08, 2013

too much

Bismillah.

I wonder if this test was meant to tell me to not get attached to people.
Or was it for me to not get attached to circumstances?

Right now, I don't know any way to apologise, cause I fail to see what I did wrong (if I did).

It's all messed up.

And I feel wretched. The thoughts you never knew (and perhaps never will know) about flashes way too frequently lately. And everything seems more clearly defined, more illuminated.

There was once, this has happened, and that's when I first realise the power of the subconscious. Things I thought were suppressed, in actual fact were haunting me. Lurching in the shadows, waiting for someone or something to read between the lines.

"It's okay actually", a mantra I got used to.
However, I can't lie and say it's okay, when I go to bed soaking tears, bearing a headache to class.

This scares me a whole lot actually. :'(

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My heart and soul is more forgiving than my brain. Perhaps I should let them do the dictating.

It's okay if you choose to not care about me.

At least I'm convincing myself that it's okay.

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