Monday, March 25, 2013

on my way to believing

Bismillah.

If I don't read, if I don't learn, if I don't seek knowledge, then, I have to surrender myself to self-chosen ignorance.

Alhamdulillah, to have given me the opportunity to learn about people, in general. On personalities, on accepting the fact that people, including me, are the products of nature and nurture, hence, take it easy, and try to understand.

Seek the innocent.
It's hard to forgive when we have a thinking that goes around "this person is doing me harm" but it makes you shut up and perhaps give a little room for someone to make mistake, when you listen to them and try to look into what made them that way.
It gives less room for anger, more for love.
And to a dear someone, I'm very sorry for what you have gone through, I hope one day you'll be vulnerable enough to talk it out and I hope He'll gift you with a forgiving, loving soul. :) Till that day, regardless, we aim to be by your side and continue loving you, however cheesy that may sound :P

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Anak yatim anak mulia.

Out of all the happenings in the previous week, the visit to Detsky Domov Zatec was by far the most precious. Needless to say, many of us who went there, felt the same way. I think we all benefited more from the program than they did.

The children there were either true orphans or were there due to court orders, in cases where the parents aren't able to care for the child, do not want to care for the child, or do not know how to. A good way to put it, seeing as, if parents are abusing or neglecting their children, how are they parents?

The children are placed in small "families" which consists of 6-8 children, with an adult to be a parent in each family. And siblings are placed together in the same family unit. They cook, clean, do the laundry and function like how a normal family would. And this is saying something, as how most of them come from dysfunctional families.

And to be honest, I think they may have survived the cruel reality better than I did. :) They're so cheerful, helpful and they simply LOVE TO SHARE! They go around giving us chocolates and whatnots! And not the ones we gave them either, it's from their personal vaults! And when you tell them it's okay, they would insist you take it! It's true then, when people say, that, the less you have, the more you give.

They're simply the best at practicing to be grateful with what they have (dan ramai antara kita tak lari daripada kufur nikmat. O Allah, forgive me). And these institutions, won't work out if it weren't for dedicated people who run the place, and I have to say I'm impressed with Lenka. Heart of gold. She was emphasising how what the kids truly need is people to come visit and spend time with them. I couldn't agree less. It was never about the money. (Well, at first, it's the money, but money can be classified as a small sacrifice, compared to energy and time and emotion, which not many would come out of their comfort zone to give). And then, there's also her son, in the same line of work :) Together, they're totally adorbs! Though I have to admit, I thought he was a lil' high :P Was singing David Bowie's Heroes whilst origami-ing. Repeatedly. lols.

You know what, maybe I'll make random visits to this place. I was a lil' disappointed cause I wasn't able to be a facilitator :P I would have been in closer contact with the children otherwise. However, I was so delighted cause in the end, Kristyna smiled and allowed me to hug her. And she hugged me back! :')
She and her siblings are only 3 weeks into the program, so they were very shy and quiet. They are there under court orders, because their parents fail to care for them, so the eldest, had to care for the rest. You definitely know that someone had a though time from the look in their face, like the burden of the world is on their shoulder. And it was heart shattering to find that look on their faces. I hope time would heal them, I hope like the rest, they too, would have room for love and forgiveness.

Now that I think of it, we had a few bonding sessions, maybe that was why she returned the hug >.< Alhamdulillah, for me, the hug was very rewarding. :) The balloon incident. At first, I think Halenka was helping us blow the balloon, cause Dasuki said unlike the rest, she only takes the balloon to help, not for herself. (The other kids were quite mischievous! I was telling everyone potrebujume to pozde. Haha.) Then Kristyna came and asked for one, saying that she wants to blow the balloon so I gave her one, but she was unable to do it, poor thing. I emptied my half blown one, now that it's stretched, and gave it to her instead. Her face grew red but she gave her all and she managed in the end ^^ Felt like a proud parent back then!

(For my personal record: she came to me to ask whether she could try popping balloons - we had a balloon popping team-building game for them in the afternoon. She also asked for my nametag. :) Uwaa.. rasa nak ambil anak angkat jer. Angkat anak orang bawak balik rumah. Haha. Anak orang pun dah buat diary camni, can't imagine how I'd be with my own children. :O Oh myyyyy.. Hahaha)

I said I was only a little disappointed, because I was very grateful to be a spectator. That gave me room to look at people without them realising. It gave me room to zone out and zone in. A space to learn, even if a little, about striving, regardless the circumstance. That gave me room to appreciate what is in the there and then.

I have so much to learn. This is the final year and despite my vows to not have too many connections, I think I'll have to prepare myself for a MAJOR HEARTBREAK by the end of the study. Owh, I'll definitely miss Prague, it's the place I've stayed the longest in, in my life, ever.

Thanks to the organiser and participants, to the photographers, to Lenka and staff, to the lovely children, to sponsors. May Allah bless our deeds, and may Allah bless each and everyone involved in the program. I hope to be of assistance again iA

:)

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And what I'm leading myself to believing is that, things are not that bad at all.

And on the day I have a spouse of my own, I hope he'll agree with adoption. :) Kekeke.

And I pray Allah eases what is best. :)

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