Tuesday, February 26, 2013

breakdown the wall

Bismillah.

Good gosh, I AM TWENTY FOUR. That's like 2 dozens. Haha. Alhamdulillah, still alive, and learning lots about life though I still have so much areas to improve on. No matter, that come in stages.

There's nothing to lose when you've given your all, it is when you're stagnant that you need to be afraid. :) Take proactive steps and when you're comfortable, improve on it. Change does not happen with a snap of the fingers, in fact, it may take years, but be sure to take an active part in the process! :)

I was thinking about my death day. Cause it would be more significant than my birthday. And if I were to die now, I'm afraid to think of where I'd end up, or rather, I'm afraid I know where I'll end up. :( Nauseous just thinking about it. Owh when will I ever be eligible? :( Please please help me O Allah, for I can't do anything on my own. Anything at all.

I know it's the final year and all, but I know for sure that I can't live like a hermit because of that. Haha. In fact, this is the year where I have to acknowledge the importance of spending my time wisely. It's a good thing to be able to cut down on watching dramas. :D If I could pat myself in the back for, that would be it. Alhamdulillah. That took up a lot of strength at first. And now, it isn't so hard.

-----

Anyway, these past couple of weeks have been quite hard, I am under a lot of stress, most from the fictitious threat I impose upon myself.

To that I'm telling myself, some things need time, so for those, you gotta be patient Nora!

Then, there's also the Paediatrics exam. I worry a lot about that. It's one of my favourite branch of study and to think that I'll be inadequate is quite sad actually. I wanted a later date, but failed to obtain one. And the preparation isn't so good but the exam dates are limited, and it won't be till summer for the next attempt. So yeah, it is something I have to go for no matter what. At least it keeps me studying. Studying harder than usual. Which brings us to the whole purpose of being a student. Kekeke.

And honestly, I shouldn't worry THAT much. :) I live within His care. The possibilities are endless. And having lived these 24 years, remember all the things Allah has brought you to and through with. Do it with the right intention, then, no matter the result, it would all be worth it! ^^

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I always wondered why I can't study like everybody else. And then, a textbook definition told me that that's the way I am. So I need to struggle a lil' more.

:P

Saturday, February 23, 2013

stress

Bismillah.

Biasalah untuk stress time exam. :P
Dan semalam aku belajar (lagi sekali, sebab aku rasa macam dah dapat pengajaran ni sebelum ni, tapi sebagai manusia yang normal, aku lupa), yang, fokus kita tak patut disandarkan pada tekanan itu sendiri tetapi kepada cara kita mengendali tekanan tersebut.

*Cop, tiba-tiba aku rasa memang aku tak layak dapat BM A1. Tapi tak apa kan, asalkan apa yang aku nak sampaikan, dapat difahami ramai. Hahaha.*

Hatta, aku pun berkeputusan, kalau aku alami tekanan sedahsyat semalam lagi, aku perlu rehat dengan benda-benda yang berfaedah.

Contoh semalam:
Pagi aku (dan rakan-rakan sekelas) ditemani laungan kuat seorang guru. Guru yang tidak lekang daripada menyemburkan nasihat yang tepat dan tajam. Tapi kali ini, salah pelajar-pelajar yang datang lewat. Aku pun tak suka tunggu kalau cikgu datang lambat (tapi memandangkan kebanyakan cikgu adalah doktor yang sedang bekerja, jadi, perlulah dimaafkan, walaupun haritu, 45 minit lewat. tsk tsk.) jadi aku faham dengan teguran itu.

Dan semalam aku perlu bentangkan kes aku. Dalam keadaan berdiri. Dan soalan demi soalan diajukan. Dan aku tertinggal satu bahagian penting. :( Aku tahu itu salah aku, jadi aku tadah telinga. Aku harap aku akan ingat sampai bila-bila.

Dan satu demi satu pembentang bertarung semalam, untuk pertahankan kes masing-masing.

Aku rasa semalam, banyak kortisol dihasilkan, banyak juga glukosa menjadi mangsa, dan kami pulang, penuh ilmu, tetapi penuh kepenatan juga. Sedikit sebanyak, semalam dah dapat bayangkan masa depan di Malaysia nanti. Tapi Dr Szitanyi bagi teguran membina, aku tak tahu pula dengan doktor Malaysia. Desas-desus dan khabar berita yang didengari setakat ini, banyak negatif dari positif.

Kalau orang tanya, apa nasihat untuk peperiksaan, nah, amek kau! Hahaha. Serius, tak boleh manjakan diri. Tapi yelah, kalau kita tak struggle, susah nak achieve apa-apa pun :P Macamlah nak makan. Kalau nak makan makanan favourite kat sini, kalau tak masak, alamatnya, tak dapatlah. 

Ok, berbalik kepada isu tekanan. Semalam aku balik, makan lunch (secawan teh, 3 keping roti, sebab serius tak larat nak masak T_T) dan pergi ke perpustakaan. Sebenarnya aku nak tidur petang tetapi perpustakaan tutup pukul 7, jadi aku harus gunakan masa yang ada. Aku balik pukul 6, sebab, aku dah ngantuk sangat-sangat. Tapi, bila keluar perpustakaan, kota Prague jadi putih! Makanya, aku terpaksalah berjalan dalam snow dengan beg yang berat, dan berjalan sekitar kawasan perumahan sambil nyanyi lagu Raindrops Barney. Aku suka sangat dekat snow ni. Haha. Boleh tak kalau winter je sepanjang tahun? Duduk dekat Alaska macam best. Tapi nanti masalah kekurangan Vitamin D lah pulak. Adoi.

Akhirnya, selepas membeli biskut sedap giler dekat Subway, aku pun sampai ke rumah-manis-rumah (home sweet home) dan aku masak dinner (dumplings with beef broth) dan bertapak depan komputer. Tengok cerita Infinity Challenge, Bobsleigh episode, sebab aku senang terharu tengok orang bersukan bersungguh-sungguh.

Aku rasa tengok satu cerita tu tak jadi masalah, yang jadi masalahnya, lepas tu aku tengok video lain lah pulak.

Tak tahu korang perasan ke tak, tapi, sebenarnya, aku dah penat sejak tengah hari tadi, dan aku tak berehat-rehat pun lagi. Haha. Anyway, nak cakapnya, aku sepatutnya tutup komputer bila dah habis study dan satu episod Infinity Challenge tu, sebab tengok video dekat laptop memanglah tidak mengurangkan tekanan mata. Dah lah rabun, nanti nak baca buku, otazky, pdf lagi. Tambah penat dari rehat. :P Aku patut bersukan dalam bilik semalam. Sekurang-kurangnya, hidup aku tak lah sedentari sangat macam lecturer selalu describe dalam lectures tu.

Aku gian naik basikal. Aku gian sepak bola. Aku gian main sledge.

Dan aku rasa aku nak cari apa maksud gian tu.
Definisi DBDP: sangat ingin akan sesuatu atau ingin membuat sesuatu.

Mat gian, definisi DBDP: penagih dadah.
Hahaha.

Ohkay u olls~ Have a nice weekend! ^^

Thursday, February 21, 2013

lols

Bismillah.

A post for my private entertainment, cause thinking of the absurdity of it all got me laughing.

And it has everything to do with my wanting to challenge myself to go as fast as I could downhill.

I went to play the snow sledge. On a 4km track. And enjoying the speed, I did not break and by the time I reach the 50m mark to end of track, I bumped into a Sasquatch and got buried under snow and sledges and the Sasquatch.

I reached home to realise I also have vessels damage. Haha.

I hope there's enough time after exam to go snow sledging again. :D That time, I'll be the first to go downhill, to signal Sasquatches to attack other human being.
And if I'm the first, that means, I could go as fast as I wanttt!!! Wee hooooooo!!!

what to do?

Bismillah.

When your wedded friends and their spouses recommend you potential suitors, what do you do?

I wail. Haha. *why recommend them to meeeee???* :P lebih kurang macam tulah the wailing goes. 

There's the fact that it is all very probable.
Then there's also the fact that I'm scared of relationships. 
Which makes everything a whole level more complicated. 

So after the wailing, I just laugh it off. 

One day I'll understand all these. 
Maybe not now. 
One fine day.


-----

Owh and I think the stress level has surpassed a certain threshold. And I hope I'm not doing things because I'm burnt out. It feels like it, cause you read, and then, you go.. "what was that again?" 
O Lord, I'm so so scared. I'm so helpless on my own T_T

It feels a little like second year all over. 
And recalling what the parents told me the last time I was in a slump, "kalau penat sangat, take a break lah. boleh kan? then sambung lah balik". 
And to that, I tell myself, no, I haven't actually given my all, so in all honesty, the tiring part was from overthinking and being too anxious. :) 
Ruginya kalau you give up without even trying! Chances are, the chances are there for you to grab hold off! :D 

So pretty please, study dengan penuh ketenangan hor.. 
If you get distracted, remember God always!!! God is good. ^^

Sunday, February 17, 2013

leader

Bismillah.

A true leader, leaves a legacy that is a good or better than him.

A true leader realises that his time will come, so he trains his underling.

And when they are ready, he tells them, how they have to now prepare, to take over when it is time.

He told them, they can't be under his wings forever, for his leadership may inhibit their qualities. He told them, it's only natural that the leader changes.

They could only keep quiet, for they love him, and it breaks their hearts to accept the fact that eventually, they would have to let go.

-----

And they asked him, why did he do those things. Why did he quit smoking?

And he said, that in life, you can't have everything. You must give up something, in other to achieve something else.

And he told them to promise him, to remember that time is precious. You can never get it back. So, as to not regret, live to the fullest, for that is the only way.

-----

:)

keadilan

Bismillah.

So in his lecture the previous week, Prof Zman asked us a question, on deciding to let our patient go naturally through the course of his disease or to assist so that he could live longer.

And he told us to write a "+" if we want to give our patient an assist device. A "-" if we would let him receive only palliative treatment.

And boy, did he made us write.

And when he's satisfied, then he asked the second question. Now, imagine if the child is yours (we're doing Paediatrics, so the patients are all children), what would you decide on, write again, a "+" or a "-".

And again, he went around checking the answer.

The problem with this question is, there is no right or wrong answer, but if you have two different answers, that could be a sign to sort out your judgements. Your values.

T_T betul ke next week dah final week Paeds? Boleh tak nak belajar medic dengan Prof Zman je? Tak boleh kan? Aiyark~

Saturday, February 16, 2013

privacy

Bismillah

Oooh, and I think I'm going private with the blog soon. So, if there's anyone interested in reading more updates of the soon to be secret life of Neneknora, please drop me your emails! :)
(I may be contacted via mail - refer Profile page- under the contact me part, FB, Skype)

Encik Holmes, detektif. (From Madame Tussauds London) Nak letak gambar berdiri sebelah Encik Holmes, tapi, costume tidak menepati era English ini. Ok, sebenarnya tak letak sebab gemuk. Haha.

Cause among the reason this blog was made is for me to know myself better and for those who care (family, friends) to get updates, hence the personal posts and removing the blog link from other social network. :P

So before any complications come from my making the blog a private playground, readers, you have been warned. HAHAHA XD

once again

Bismillah

Himdeulnae, imankeum watjanha
Igeotjjeumeun jeongmal byeolkeoanya!

(Have strength, that you've made it this far,
This isn't hard, really :) )

Sesangeul dwijipji hah! :) :) :)

Kekeke. :D

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Marilah berusaha dengan gembira ^^ Heee...
(Video pilihan, sebab dia goreng sedap. Dan tak jumpa video cukup sopan. Ahaha)
Credit: bashoogstraten's Youtube


Thursday, February 14, 2013

distinct

Bismillah.

No, I don't celebrate Valentine.

Ale (but), this is funny. :D

Credit: http://www.blog.weekendsinthecity.net/

Ahaha.

Love is strange.
When there's beauty on the inside, the outside, there's nothing to, ch ch ch ch change.

:)

-----

I'm starting to get backaches from the studying. Minimally 4 months, maximally 6(?) before I'll regain my posture again, live a healthier life and get detoxified.
I think I understand why Andreas said he would quit smoking after med school. (I pester him every time I could, but the deed has been unfruitful) Cause I don't think I could end my coffee regime. (And then I justify the whole coffee thing with him, because, he smokes AND drinks really scary thick coffee. *round, shocked eyes*) The big jar of coffee lasts 2 months for me.
I wish I won't have to turn to energy drinks. So harmful. Yikes.

When this ends, I'll cycle 40km daily, drink green tea, have a proper sleep-wake cycle, before I start working. So that at least when I start work, I would have ample of stamina.

Syaratnya, sekarang adalah masa yang perlukan pengorbanan kaw-kaw punya. Kalau tak, makin panjanglah masa yang diperlukan untuk habiskan sesi pembelajaran ni!

Sorry body, kamu kena suffer sekarang. Saya minta maaf banyak-banyak! >.<

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

calm after the storm

Bismillah.

Permulaan sabar adalah pahit, tapi akhirnya manis.

-----

Everyone has their own devil to fight. And I wonder just how much confusions, how much tears, how many self-consultation everyone would pose themselves with every day, before embracing yet another new day. I too wonder if we are really thankful with what we have, hence the happy faces, or did we give up to fight and decided to go with the flow and so, we put on the happy faces again.

The fight is no easier when you're alone.

Then again, these fights seem to be developing a pattern. And once the pattern is recognised, then perhaps, we could deal with them more effectively. :) Then we could move on to bigger things.

For the time being, train yourself to not be too reactive, eyh?

Help will come.
Cause you asked for it. That is what matters.

-----

Infinity case.

So, he did remember and it was the first question asked. And he explained Einstein's version of it (and I wonder why I did not opt for Einstein's, he's like, a genius! Haha). Cause I gave a sentence with too many words. He told us "now, please, do this, if you want to explain to your children, and grandchildren..bla bla bla". And he gave an explanation with arm movements and such. Which made me admire him more. :O The best educator are always those who can explain things in the simplest form.

And today he talked about the abundance of knowledge a good practitioner should have. And he made that infinity sign again. Haha. Can I take that as a private joke? :P *Sniggers at the corner of class*
Anyway, I worried about exam, but tonight I thought, there's only so much I could do, but I gotta make sure that it is within my maximum.

And I think I can convince my brain that it is genuinely genius, again. Tuhan tolong, kurniakan kami ketajaman pemikiran, dan berkatilah ilmu-ilmu ini.

-----

She came. She brought cookies. And today, somehow, we ended up grocery shopping together. :) There's so much happiness this evening. Thank You Allah. ^^

-----

And to those who goes around saying how I goreng my exams, well, tak baik cakap macam tu. :) Maybe I can't be good and istiqamah at studying the way you do, but I'm hoping to be istiqamah with my methods of learning. You're gifted that way, and I'm gifted this way. And how you study, is really up to you. Lets keep cheering on each other instead, huh? :)

Love always,
Nora

Sunday, February 10, 2013

sambal udang

Smells and tastes better with bay leaves and a hint of sesame oil.
:)

This weekend, I got to cook and eat nice food. Alhamdulillah ^^

compassion

Bismillah.

So we had a practical lesson on Friday. :D And because there was one fake model, and 10 of us students, the Teacher recommended we try inserting peripheral IV between ourselves.

I did it before (in my summer clerkship) so I asked to skip the model and straight for a real being instead. :)

So Kak Anis and I had a mutual agreement to perform the procedure on each other. She has very accessible vessels :D thank God. And on the first try, I got the vein but the short needle and banging of knuckles made me draw the needle out. Sayang betul~ And the doc went like "I know a good lawyer" to Kak Anis. And I told him how I'm a student, and I'm gonna put the blame on him instead. Hahaha. So he quickly told Kak Anis, "well, this kind of things always happen. And you know what, medicine is about compassion...bla bla bla".

In comparison to the many docs we had, he has to be the most chatty and dramatic. (in a good way, cause I think enthusiasm and acting helps me remember more :D )

Anyway, the second try went ohkay~

And the next obstacle was to find a suitable vessel on me. Cause I have a history of narrow, low filled (ie hard to palpate due to low volume) vessels. In KTT, when we did this blood donation thingy, the nurses actually punctured my artery and got half bag of oxygenated blood before realising what went wrong. Haha. And that day I gave off about 700ml of blood. (She got a vein from my other arm in the end).

The doc tried looking and at first recommended the cubital region, where he found the scar from previous puncture (he went like, oooh, there's a scar, there must be a vein somewhere!) haha. And yeah, actually, we got to practise blind technique that day. Just swipe your index gently on the patient, until you reach a taut area, and learn the course of the vein. It amazes me every time cause, you would feel this smooth texture then suddenly, you come to a hollow area filled with a very thin sausage. Haha.

I guess if you've never tried the blind technique (say, with easier task, like blood drawing), it might be a lil' scary to cannulate the vessel, so Kak Anis chose my dorsal vessel instead.

Like I said, my vessels are underfilled, so, it was quite a challenge because at first, you can visualise the vessel but perforation of the skin and subcutaneous tissue made it seem almost non existing. So there was a lot of reversing and changing the angle and reversing again then changing the route. Hehe. This all happened under my skin. And surprisingly, it wasn't painful :O Quote teach "you have a good patient, but bad vessel" haha. Only when the needle perforate the vessel did it hurt a pinch. Kak Anis berjaya akhirnya.

I honestly am so tempted to cannulate myself. Cause like the doc told us, our patients aren't healthy medical students. So the real thing won't be as easy as practice. Hope we would all do good and not harm with all this knowledge and responsibility thrown upon us. :) Jyeah~ Serving God by serving people!

-----

One more thing, I'm actually quite anxious right now, cause the Paediatrics exam date is a lot earlier than planned. However, I know I must try to make it, and what truly matters is the effort to get there. :) I can't help but think about the topics I've covered and the exam day/result, so I'm hoping that you pray I'd be well. That I keep on striving to make this quest of knowledge, a quest to get closer to Him. And that I'll be healthy and survive what remains of this academic semester.

As with all things, Allah keeps track of our efforts. So keep on trying. Apa yang tak boleh buat semua, jangan tinggal semua. :)

Peace out you all~

-----

Dan pengubat rindu minggu ini. Top to bottom: Eza, Sarah, Kim.






Wednesday, February 06, 2013

hati-hati

Sebab minggu ini, minggu cemerkap.
Lebih cemerkap daripada biasa.
Haritu langgar tiang
Harini jatuh tangga.
(Sampai Cikgu Klement cakap "pozor, pozor" gaya bapa penyayang).
Langgar orang dah rutin harian.

Oh kenapakah?

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

at the beginning

Bismillah

:)

I took a trip down memory lane.

The first year, was the year when we started this all, highly motivated. And I hope to regain those motivation. I hope we would all have a lovely, blessed end.

 In the photo prior to the one above, Dr Becke was a bit confused because he has no idea what it meant when we wanted to take a crazy shot. Haha!

 Besides the senior and us, no one got to learn Anatomie with Dr Brabec I think. He's very memorable. :P And this was one of those years when I still go into the trouble of making handmade cards. Hehe. (His name means sparrow I think, but I thought any bird would do)

remind me of my dreams again

The bigger your dreams, the bigger the responsibility, the bigger the test.

Cause you gotta be strong enough to pull it off. :D

Terima kasih Tuhan.

keep calm, and study

Bismillah.

Over-thinking kills. Cause overthinking leads to surrounding fact with fiction. And that way, everything seems like it's going down the drain (or by the end of the thinking, down a whirlpool brought about by a tsunami).

Over-thinking leads to unnecessary worrying. Anxiety, the fear of the unknown. And to some, migraine attacks.

I thank God today, for sending a friend whom helped calm my nerves. I didn't realise it then but, clearly, I wasn't in a state where I could be focused on studying. Thank you, friend. Alhamdulillah.

-----

If there was one person I could admire, then it would be those who are able to stay calm. It's a wonder how they do it. Cause I believe everyone would have thousands of thoughts running through their brains at any given time.

I might know a lil' bit of the secret because, I find myself calm when surrounded by certain people. And with these people, I could tick more items off my planner. In some way, they motivate me to work on a solution long found.

-----

It all boils down to moderation though. There're things worth being dramatic with (acting out what a patient with a certain disease would come to the doctor like), there're things that require you to think more, so you do the right thing and don't make mistakes. Then there're things you needn't think and worry about, like results, what happened in the past bleh bleh bleh (say it like how Count Dracula says it!) Hahaha.

After all, for all that has happened in life, there's always a way to make it better Nora! :)
You have ample of knowledge, we all do, but what differs one from another is wisdom  the hikmah of those ilm'. So pray hard, that you'll attain that wisdom, for it could only come from Him.

Everything, every little thing, has their purpose. Even scoldings. And more so, scoldings that came from sincerity to learn. Fighting!!!

-----

And later today, I think I should post regarding the summer clerkship thing. Not spamming, but just sharing what I think is good. And if good things help others, then Alhamdulillah. If no one is interested, so be it!

Saturday, February 02, 2013

we got big!

Bismillah.
(in an attempt to make more ibadats)

Part and parcel of living in the land of the unknown is to have a small support system. And towards the end of the studies, ours got big (because more than half has completed half of their deen)! Wooooohooo (dengan nada Prof Zem*n - honestly, I wanna know if anyone would end up being the infinity-person next year. Hahaha.)

Anyway, these are the people whom I have a special bond with. The kind where we know almost all of the stories (by which Ayee cakap, kalau nak join the group, memang kena briefing dulu. And if a story is repeated, boleh main sambung-sambung sesama sendiri. Kekeke). And came out with so many ideas to help each other out. And if at state of utmost anger, they mostly resolve by noon, iA. (With the exception of extreme cases which somehow, everyone will keep at bay because no good would come out of  mentioning it. The present has more to offer, live the moment :) ) Maybe it's easy to forgive and forget the small little imperfections we all have because, deep inside, we realise that, truly, no one wants to cause anyone any form of harm.

These are the people who saw me grow, so, somehow, there're parts of me they understand more than I do myself. It is in this group of people that I find a person to cry over a motivation book with. Haha!

There're times when I roam the streets of Prague and I asked, why must I get attached to people? It'll be so lonely when we'll be separated. And keeping in touch over the net isn't as comforting as being physically available.

Proc? Wae? Why? Kenapa?

Hahaha. Drama betul.

So one of them told me, if we don't get attached to people, then we'll miss all the beauty of loving, caring, and being loved and cared for. Hee~

Honestly, there's so much to write, but I'm too exhausted to organise my thoughts right now. And this post really seem chaotic. :P



Alhamdulillah, for these people. Hope what we have been, are, and will be, is all under Allah's blessings. Thank you all, I hope to be reminded of the many good things you've brought and I hope, we would all continue, to help others, in what ways we could ;)